I know, it’s April Fools Day, so I should be writing about being pregnant or adopting a third child or selling my kids on eBay or something. But, I just don’t do April Fools Day. It’s my grandfather’s birthday, and he’s been dead for 10 years now. Why don’t you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?
So… it’s been awhile since I’ve
pimped shared my adoption.com blog posts.
8 Principles of Successful Transracial Parenting is a post in which I decide to sum up most of what I’ve learned about parenting a child of color. Apparently, what people took away is that I have no idea why hair is so important to the Black community. I should probably write a blog post about that – my bewilderment, that is, not hair.
12 Ethical Pitfalls Adoption Professionals Should Avoid is an article that will likely get very few clicks. I think it’s very well written and I know I put quite a bit of effort into it. But putting any variation of the word “ethics” in a title generally results in low interest. What a commentary that is on the adoption community, eh?
March 8 was International Women’s Day, so I wrote my own take on #PledgeForParity. I chose another completely unsexy topic. Ethics and gender parity in one month.
Adoptees: Things Our Parents Did Right and Things We Wish They Did Differently involved me communicating with a number of young adult adoptees. I didn’t realize it, but I included some foreshadowing for my next article.
The adoptees who responded were generally very positive about their adoptive parents. Adoptees especially appreciated that their parents told them their adoption stories in age-appropriate ways from early on in their lives. As an adoptive parent, I know I cringe—and often want to slap someone—when they say that their 6- 8-, or 13-year-old children don’t know they’re adopted. If you only do one thing right as an adoptive parent, make sure you tell your children that they were adopted before they even understand what that means.
Why I Cringe When I Hear Someone Say These Things About Adoption – I’m going to go out on a limb and say that every adoption blog in existence has done a version of “What Not to Say” regarding the subject of adoption. Mostly, I just don’t identify with those lists. I think a lot of them are more about the listener’s insecurity than about the speaker’s insensitivity. When I saw that line on the Google Sheet, I knew I had to write the article, because, otherwise, it was just going to be another one of those lists. This article is about ONE topic, and its directly related subtopics:
“When do I tell my child she’s adopted?”
Seriously, I can’t believe people still ask that. Moreover, I cannot fathom why there are still adoptive parents (and prospective adoptive parents) in this world who thing it’s acceptable to never tell a person s/he’s adopted. We had to talk about talking about adoption in our home study. We had to address a few questions about how we planned to discuss adoption with our children. I really don’t say something like this very often, but I think it’s important: A person should not be able to pass a home study if s/he does not intend to tell his/her children they’re adopted. We’re talking about a fundamental truth being hidden from the one person to whom it matters most. I could actually write several more paragraphs on the topic it seems.