Dear Adoptive Parent Who Bad-mouths Open Adoption Because Your Experience Sucked,
I’m a mom through adoption. I have two children, adopted privately. We have open relationships with their birth families. Since becoming an adoptive mom, I’ve read so much from all members of the adoption constellation. I’ve written for Adoption.com. I was one of the first members of the Open Adoption Bloggers. I felt validated to know that research has borne out what I have believed since I began my adoption journey – that, in general, open adoption is the best for the adoptee. (It also appears to be better for the birth parents.)
Adoption from foster care may not involve shared information when it comes to birth parents, for safety reasons. But I know a number of people who have adopted from foster care and do have at least semi-open adoptions with their children’s birth parents, grandparents, and/or siblings.
Closed adoptions represent less than 5% of private adoptions.
I’m sorry that your personal experience with open adoption wasn’t the best. Open adoption is hard. My children’s birthmothers are not always the most stable of people either, but they are loving individuals who had their children’s best interests at heart. Were there times, especially early on, when I couldn’t take some of the drama? Sure. But there were times when I couldn’t take my own mother’s drama. I have seen how important our relationships with Jackson’s birth family are to him and he is the most important person here.
Cassie is still a baby, and we’ll see how her experience plays out, but I believe she will only be better off for knowing both of her birth parents.
So can you please stop talking like you know what you’re talking about? Your experience is just that: Your experience. Allow others to share their experiences without predicting that their kids will be confused, or drug addicted, or go off to live with their birth families when they’re teenagers.
A Mom Who Realizes That Open Adoption Is Not All About Me