Open Adoption Roundtable #49: Adoption and My Father

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It’s designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. We’re up to Open Adoption Roundtable #49. 

Father’s Day is this weekend in many places and–as we did in 2009 and 2012–I thought we spend a roundtable focusing on dads. As always,  feel free to adapt the prompt to fit your personal situation, whether that means interpreting “your father” as one of your fathers, a father figure, or something else altogether.

Write about adoption and your father.

I don’t know how my father feels about the fact that my children are adopted. I remember asking my mom, way back in 2002/2003, how she would feel if we adopted a child who wasn’t white. She said something along the lines of, “I don’t care if he’s black, blue, or Korean, I just want to be a grandma!” And she was a grandma. Was she ever!

My dad does not talk about his feelings. He really doesn’t talk much at all about anything most people would consider important. He talks about gardening (which is not my thing), computers (which sort of is, but not in the same way that he talks about them), sometimes politics (the only thing I can really have a two-sided conversation with him about), and about any random topic that he’s been reading about or seen on TV lately. Seriously. I have no idea how he feels about my mother being dead. I have no idea how he feels about the childhood my sister and I had. So of course, I have no idea if he has any opinions about adoption, or about his grandchildren being adopted.

The thing is, I don’t think it matters. He certainly doesn’t seem to treat Jackson and Cassie any differently than he treats my nephews. They live in Florida, so it’s not like I’d know, but the few times we’ve all been together, there’s been no difference. He gets a kick out of playing with the kids. He pretty much behaves the way I thought my father as a grandfather would behave, both the good and the bad.

I’m going to leave you with two recent photos of my dad and my kids — his oldest grandson and his only granddaughter.


Jackson and Grandpa planting a garden

Grandpa and Jackson plant a vegetable garden

Cassie and Grandpa outside Jackson's school play

Cassie and Grandpa outside Jackson’s school play

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