Recently, I exchanged comments with someone on my post What I Get to Do. In one of her comments, she wrote, “And I’m sorry, but the woman who changed her mind doesn’t need your judgement either.”
Let’s get this straight: There is a BIG difference between an expectant mother changing her mind and an expectant mother scamming prospective adoptive parents.
In our case, we actually had two matches that fell through. The one in April 2011 ended in June 2011, when the expectant mother changed her mind. She simply told the agency she couldn’t place her daughter and left it at that. I was disappointed, but I bore her no ill will. I still don’t, and I hope that she and her children are doing well.
The one in July 2011 was a scam. “Jasmine” kept asking for more money. We finally said, “No” and she dropped off the face of the earth.
I’ve been researching and involved in adoption since 2003. After the second round of her asking for money, mentally, I knew Jasmine was probably scamming us. But she was saying just enough that was right to keep me hopeful. I feel like an idiot, I really do. Ultimately, we were lucky that we only lost $600.
There are probably many women who match with prospective adoptive parents, thinking that adoption is the best option, then decide that they can’t go through with it. Their reasons for changing their minds are varied, and I believe most of them enter into matches with the best of intentions. I don’t think all women who change their minds are scammers, not at all.
In Jasmine’s case, we found out later that her proof of pregnancy had been forged. It’s likely that she was never even pregnant. The laws of the state of Kansas were such that she could have gotten $4,000 in “expenses” and she was going to use them to her advantage.
This is just another reason to have federal adoption laws, and strict adherence to guidelines about what expectant parent expenses are allowable.