(originally published on LiveJournal)
Max, Jack, and I are supposed to go to Pennsylvania for 9 days to visit his family.
Pros of going include:
- We don’t pay the $100 change fee for my ticket.
- I get to see a friend from college and her family, including her new little girl.
- I get to see some of Max’s family. (Yes, that’s a pro.)
- I get to see our college campus.
- I get to be with Jack when he goes to places like the zoo.
Pros of staying include:
- I would be with Sassy.
- Nine days without child – I could get a lot done.
- I have wireless Internet guaranteed here.
- I could work (and this is only a pro because then I wouldn’t have to use so much vacation time).
- I don’t have to deal with jet lag, staying in a strange place, etc.
But then, there are the cons of staying:
- NINE DAYS without my son.
- Watching his face when he realizes that Mommy’s not coming with him.
That’s what I hate. I hate that I’m going to miss him. I hate that I won’t be with him on his first trip to the zoo, or the Carnegie, or all that fun stuff.
Changing the ticket is too costly, so I can’t stay now and leave later. It’s all or nothing.
Sometimes, I think, it’s a choice between Jack and Sassy. But that’s not entirely true. It’s about who needs me more right now. If Sassy truly is getting better, how much better will she be if I stay with her, instead of leaving her pretty much alone? My neighbor would come over, and even sleep over, but that’s different than having your very own human with you.
And then I’m worried that I might not be able to do right by Sassy. I suck at feeding her through the tube. The syringe is HUGE so I can’t hold her, the tube, and the syringe.
I wouldn’t be able to take one of my nighttime meds, because I’d sleep through her feedings. That means that I’ll be in more pain. Of course, being in PA, on the flight and then on the drive to Elk County, I’d be scrunched up, so I’d probably be in pain anyway.
I’m just so terribly on the fence. I really don’t know what to do. My head would rather stay here, but my heart is torn, and my Mommy instincts want to go. Max says I should stay, the vet says that, if Sassy were her cat, she’d go.
I just don’t know.
- Current Location:work, Pleasanton, CA
- Current Mood: anxious
- Current Music:”This Is the Time”