Never Have Bridesmaids

(originally published on LiveJournal)

Finally, I have decreed that I will update this web journal every Thursday. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Adoption News:
We have chosen an agency (Adoption Network Law Center) and a home study agency (The Family Network). We’re mostly done with the paperwork. I have started to choose pictures for our parent profile. I get to make a scrapbook about us!

CRPS News:
I am currently re-learning how to get onto and up from the floor, and how to kneel. Most days, my pain is between 1 – 3, unless I am actively doing something that hurts, like pacing, walking too far, or re-learning how to get onto and up from the floor and kneeling.

I am thoroughly disgusted with America right now. How did we manage to get Bush twice? Then DeLay and Frist? and now John Bolton?!? Are we really that stupid? I can understand the Bush thing, to a point; I mean, the guy was already President. But the rest? This is insane.

NEVER have bridesmaids. If you’re getting married and have them already, dump ’em. I have been a bridesmaid only twice. The first time went well. Then, I got married, and got fairly well dumped on and/or vented to by 4 of my 5 bridesmaids. My sister is getting married. OY!

Here’s where it really got bad:
Mary: ” I am done with the financial aspect of the wedding shower, so someone else can split up the rest of the bill at the end of the shower. ”

Robyn: “FYI: All 6 of us need to split the cost of the bridal shower. I would like to have this done equally: We all pay the same amount. Each of us is in a situation where money is an issue, so I don’t think there should be any problems in saying that we must all pay the same amount.”

Mary: “I do not NEED to pay anything. Nor does anybody else. We
are contributing out of the kindness of our hearts. … I have never encountered such cold, weird feelings when being a bridesmaid and doing alot to help. My goodness. It is nobody’s business what monetary situation people are in. … Let me make myself clear: My husband and I
decided that this is going to far monetarily and will not contribute any
more. We were not expecting to pay even more than $100 for the contribution
for the shower. if the maid of honor wants to pitch in more fine… but to have
everyone split it at over $150 each bridesmaid for a bridal shower is
crazy. … all of the Bridal showers were given by the Maid of Honor. I am offended with your attitude. You should be happy and thankful that we are contributing anything. Who cares how much the invitations are costing … What are you trying to do see who paid more or make it so they all pay the
same? … regarding Robyn’s “incidental costs” you’ve got to be kidding me if you expect people to pitch in for name tags and copies… I completely disagree with your statement that “we need to be sure that no one pays a disproportionate amount on the festivities” You are the maid of honor…you should be taking care of the majority of the costs(in an orthodox world).”

That’s only part of the message.

It’s obvious that Mary knows nothing etiquette, first of all. Up until this time, she had decided to take over the shower organization, but kept saying “Robyn is organizing this” or “Robyn is the maid of honor.” I told her at least FOUR times in email that “No, Robyn isn’t organizing this, we all are” and that “there are three maids of honor.”

I tried to step down from the wedding. The other “maids of honor” without talking to me or giving me a heads-up, decided that now they would take care of everything and let everyone know what they wanted us to do. That pisses me off, probably more than it should. I felt like Beth was a friend, and I had called her, at least once, to ask to talk this over in the first place.

No response.

I emailed three of the bridesmaids to ask for help.

No response.

One of them did email me around the time Mary did, saying that she agreed with me, and thought everyone else did too. But there was nothing from the others.

Even if the message was read as “cold” the response was not proportional to the message. Crazy over the top is rarely a good response.

So, here I sit. My sister won’t let me quit. None of the invitations have been finished. (One of the other maids of honor is in charge of that, because she does that on the side.) I’ve asked several times about the invitations and how I can help with them. The Bachelorette Party is NEXT WEEKEND and there aren’t any invitations.

Somehow, I’m not comfortable with her deciding to run things.

My approach was that “we’re all in this together.” That we could collaborate, be equals, and take responsibility for the whole.

Apparently not.
Current Mood:the f**k?!?
Current Music:”White Wedding” Billy Ocean


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


Jun. 2nd, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
That’s Billy Idol, not Billy Ocean!!!

You were hoping someone would catch that, right?


Jun. 2nd, 2005 07:35 pm (UTC)
Idol, Ocean
At least I didn’t write “Joel.”
I knew I was getting that wrong. DARN IT ALL!


Jun. 2nd, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Idol, Ocean
I’d pay 99 cents for a cover of “White Wedding” by Billy Ocean.

Jun. 2nd, 2005 07:53 pm (UTC)
Wedding ettiquette is this vast, mysterious, and thoroughly frightening world I have yet to dive into. I’m a bridesmaid for the first time in my friend’s wedding next year… wonder if there’s a manual somewhere about that ;/

I’m sorry it’s all been so frustrating! Certainly doesn’t seem like Mary’s head is in the right place… 😦


Jun. 2nd, 2005 09:38 pm (UTC)
Bridesmaid Manual
There is a great book about bridesmaids: The Everything Bridesmaid Book. I bought it, read it, and it all made real sense. If you’d like, I can loan it to you. There’s also The Everything Shower Book, which covers both wedding and baby showers. My copy is actually my sister’s, so I can’t share.

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