Bad Mommy
22 Mar 2007 Leave a Comment
in routine Tags: laundry, mommy, naps
I am having a bad Mommy day. Or days, really. Jack is flip-flopping between taking 1 long nap and 2 short naps per day. With one exception, I have not been able to get him to sleep for a nap. Max has, but not me. I even did what Max said he did, and Jack still ended up crying angrily for 20 minutes before finally falling to sleep, exhausted. I saw him do that, because I came up to get him, but he didn’t hear me. He was lying in his crib, on his side, and it was so obvious he was fighting with sleep. He needed the nap; it’s not just that I wanted to eat lunch or figure out why the bank thinks we didn’t pay our mortgage when their own system says we did. He’s a bear if he doesn’t sleep. But maybe it is selfish of me to want to make him get the sleep he needs just so life will be easier later. I just thought we had gotten into a routine that worked again. I was really liking the go to sleep at 11am, wake up 2-3 hours later, have a day of fun, then bedtime. When he takes 2 naps, it’s hard to sandwich stuff between them. And today my dad came over to garden, so we couldn’t leave the house to go grocery shopping. We are out of real food for Jack (we have plenty of jars), and out of any nutritious food for me. Our Girl Scout cookies are sitting on my friend’s porch, and I have a prescription that I need to pick up before Sunday anyway.
It doesn’t help that, while we were awake, I was trying to put away laundry. Laundry is a constant event in our house. First, there’s the gathering (which Max does). Then there’s the sorting, which I do while telling Jack “Don’t eat the laundry! It’s dirty!”. Then there’s the figuring out the load order (my pants, Jack’s pants, Max’s socks, towels, etc.) and the putting into laundry baskets, which are then stacked and put behind a gate so Jack won’t eat anything. This process generally takes 2 days. Next, there’s the doing of the laundry (me, but Max will do it if I put post-its on the loads; I’m picky that way). This process takes 2 days, sometimes 3. Then there’s the folding (me or Max), done while watching TiVo. This takes 1 day. Then, there’s the putting away.
(4 hours elapses…)
Right, the putting away. That takes anywhere from 1 to 4 days. So, there are constantl laundry baskets congregated in at least 2-3 rooms in the house. So, today, I wanted to be pro-active. I decided to put all of Jack’s laundry away. Jack decided that while I was doing that, instead of playing with his numerous toys, rocking on the chair, or pulling all the books off the shelf, he was going to unplug everything, pull all the books off the shelf in the closet (the real books, like the Harry Potter Series, which he pulled onto his head), and take all the laundry that I just put in the drawer and take it out of the drawer, flinging it around the room.
Consequently, I was constantly saying “No!” to Jack all afternoon.
Then, my father came, and this nap time struggle happened. He woke up at 4:40, only half an hour after he went to sleep. He wanted to read books, which we did. I realized that I was just short of patience today. I really woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something, because everything that Jack was doing was bugging me.
Part of it may be the fact that nothing that needed to get done today got done. We still do not have real food, I didn’t get to the cookies, and I’ll have to deal with my prescription tomorrow. We did get to go “kick kick” in the hot tub, but we didn’t get to go to the park, which is something I like to do on coolish warm days like today.
Max ended up coming home instead of working late, and while I gave Jack a bath, he decided he would put Jack to bed. Which is where they are right now. And I’m headed to Trader Joe’s and to my friend’s house, hoping that her neighbors won’t think I’m a prowler casing the place.
Everybody has those days…
Ten Months
18 Nov 2006 Leave a Comment
in past Tags: crawling, cruising, food, Halloween, healthy sleep habits, illness, milestones, naps, sassy, standing, toys
At 10 months, Jack is meeting almost all of the 10 month milestones, as well as several of the 11 month milestones in What to Expect the First Year. One of the neatest to watch is Jack practicing his fine motor skills. He can pick up very tiny objects with any combination of thumb and fingers. This means that he cleans our carpets for us. Fortunately, he’s getting better about obeying the command, “Not in the mouth.”
The most amazing event that happened this month? Jack crawls! We even have the movie to prove it. We believe the first sight of this crawling was on November 6. It’s a funny kind of crawl in which he tucks one leg under the other and kind of tries to get up off the ground. Jack is standing while holding onto objects and is starting to cruise. He can stand by himself for very short periods of time. Usually, by the time he figures out he’s standing, he falls. However, when he holds onto pieces of furniture, he does squats to see how far he can get to the ground without falling. Sassy is getting used to this mobile Jack, and will generally move at the last possible moment before Jack can get to her. However, Jack does appear to be learning patience in dealing with Sassy. He will now just look at her instead of always grabbing.
Jack loves to topple towers, especially of the nesting blocks that Michael F. gave him. We play zoo with the stuffed animals, and he knows that Simba goes “wiggle wiggle wiggle pounce!”. His favorite book is currently Amazing Baby, I Love You, given to us by Melissa G. Jack can turn the pages himself!
We’re also getting naps under control! Many thanks to the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Jack is a much happier human being when he gets enough sleep.
Jack had a cold (his second, for the record) on Halloween, so he only went trick or treating at our next door neighbors’ house. We ended up getting the cold too, thus illustrating our need for a baby-sitter. Any volunteers? Suggestions?
Jack has been making a very funny face for the past month or so, which can be seen on his official ten month photo. He likes to scrunch up his face and show his teeth, kind of like a shrew. Mimicking is also big with him, like shaking his head when Mommy shakes her head. We think he understands the word “no” he just doesn’t obey it. Stop! works much better.
His culinary horizons have been broadened with the introduction of chicken and sweet potato dinner and Cheerios. He’s eating more solids each day and is just now beginning to prefer them over formula, it seems.
Jack still has two words: Hi and Daddy. He loves to babble, and sometimes you’d swear he was really saying real sentences. Like, “Not that” for example. We’re still signing certain words to him in the hopes that he’ll pick it up. He’s waved twice, kind of by accident, but we think he’s almost there. He does get that waving means something, and will usually say “Hi” to us when we wave.
Nine Months
27 Oct 2006 Leave a Comment
in past Tags: first words, food, godparents, height, milestones, naps, new hampshire, standing, talking, teeth, toys, travel, weight
At 9 months, Jack is meeting pretty much all of the milestones listed in What to Expect the First Year. He’s figured out the “If I drop it, it still
exists and Mommy and Daddy will pick it up for me” game. He does not crawl, but he does creep, schooch, and roll himself all over the place. Thanks to Auntie Trisha, he now walks when he stands holding on to someone’s fingers. While we were in NH, he finally learned how to sit up from a lying down position. This has brought his schooching to a
whole new level. Now, all he wants to do is stand! Holding onto us, holding onto a table or chair, holding onto the crib rail.
Most importantly, Jack has TWO words: “Hi” and “Daddy.” “Hi” definitely means “Hi” but “Daddy” may mean “Mommy” and “Daddy” as he often says it to Mommy. The cutest behavior is watching him
saying “Hi” to himself in a mirror. For the record, he first said, “Hi” on October 2, and “Daddy” on October 13.
Jack will often respond to his own name, but he usually responds to “Jackson” better than to “Jack” or “Jack-Jack”.
At his 9 month check up, Jack was 20 pounds and 26 and 3/4 inches.
He is 50th percentile for weight and is finally on the chart, length-wise, in the 5th-10th percentile. His head circumference is in the 90th percentile.
His two bottom teeth are in, and his two top ones are still growing. He loves to bite and chew on anything he can grab. Yes, we have teether toys, but items that he’s not supposed to chew are so much tastier,
including human fingers. As for food, Jack does like yogurt (Yo-Baby), and combinations of cereal and fruit from the jar, in addition to his orange foods.
Jack’s favorite toys are blocks. He now has a few different sets, and he loves them all. He loves knocking towers down, and banging blocks t
ogether. He has also learned how to drum on empty containers and tables.
We were in New Hampshire for 18 days this month, and we were happy to see a lot of our friends. Jack didn’t take too well to the time change, so spent the first week being cranky and not sleeping well at all. The
second week, he was great, but because we lost the first week, we didn’t have a chance to connect with everyone we wanted to see. On October 8, we had a small dedication ceremony for Jack, at which his godparents and parents promised to look after him in all ways, including spiritually. As we are not members of a church, this occurred at his godparents’ home. His godparents are Marc & Joanne Gamache, of
Bedford, NH. Jack was a big hit at the Swonger household, where our flower girls, Jenn and Katie, clamored for his attention. They spent lots of time constructing elaborate towers and then letting Jack destroy them.
He still sleeps well at night, going to bed between 7 and 8pm and waking
up between 5:30 and 7am. Naps continue to be a challenge. So what else is new?
Eight Months
18 Sep 2006 Leave a Comment
in past Tags: finalization, milestones, naps, sassy, solids, teeth, travel
At 8 months, Jack is meeting most of the milestones listed in What to Expect the First Year. He loves to stand up, usually holding onto our hands or fingers, but in the last few days, he’s also been standing holding onto our legs, the stair rail (don’t worry, we measured and his head can’t get through), and his crib. When we try to sit him down on the floor, he first stands, bearing his weight for as long as we’ll let him. He’s getting more and more stable. If the timetable for him sitting applies, then he should be standing on his own at about 9 months.
Jack loves to grab and pick up anything he can find, then usually puts it in his mouth. He will try to get what he wants, even if it’s far away. Indeed, he will sometime push or throw toys away just to try and get them. He will not crawl, though he can and does roll onto his tummy and lifts himself up. Of course, once he sees us watching, he rolls back over onto his side. I should add that he does “schooch” – moves his body and leg and turns around, and he also does the “roll and schooch” – gets himself facing in the proper direction, then rolls over to whatever he wants. Ingenious!
He has also become fascinated with Mommy’s earrings. One day, he was on my hip and turned to look over my shoulder. He then did a doubletake, and craned his neck to stare at my earrings. They still surprise him, and every day he must look at them and feel them. Also, Mommy’s ever-present ponytail now serves as a way for Jack to hold on to keep standing. And if the ponytail isn’t there?!?!? Yay! Fun with Mommy’s hair time. Daddy has the same issues with his glasses.
Jack does not yet respond to his name, but does respond to new voices and looks for mommy or daddy when he hears our voices specifically. Jack has recently discovered separation anxiety, so the sling he hated as a newborn he enjoys as a very heavy 8 month old.
On August 6, Mommy peered into his mouth and saw: TEETH! Two pearly whites sticking out of his little red puffy gums. They continue to grow. On September 16, the upper left front tooth started popping out. Jack is now an official drool bucket, and chews on anything he can. At this point, he enjoys our fingers encased in clean socks as well as any type of cloth. Jack is beginning to like “solid” food. He currently enjoys carrots, sweet potatoes, winter squash, apples, and pears. The jury is still out on peaches and yogurt. His dislike of peas may be genetic. He also enjoys eating paper, which, while we don’t particularly mind this, it can get very messy, so we try to keep it away. We are also trying to tell him that books are not for eating.
Having sat by himself for the first time on July 3, and mastering it by July 10, Jack is still working on his ab crunches, trying to get up to sitting from lying down. He has amazing abdominal muscles already!
Sassy and Jack have an odd relationship. Jack will follow Sassy with his eyes, leaning or peeking over our shoulders if necessary. As long as we help him pet her, they are usually fine together. Sassy will even come up to Jack sometimes, or purposefully come to the side of me that has Jack to look at him. She has purred once or twice while he’s petting her. However, if left to his own devices for even a moment, Jack will try to grab and pull Sassy’s fur, tail, or ears. We then separate Jack from Sassy. Grandma & Grandpa bought him a book, Tails Are Not For Pulling, which we read to Jack on a regular basis. We prefer that neither small mammal get bitten.
He still sleeps well at night, going to bed between 8 and 9pm and waking up between 5:30 and 7am. Naps continue to be a challenge. We thought we had him on a schedule, then the teething pain came. Then, we thought we had another schedule, but we covered three time zones in five days. We’re still working on those naps!
Jack’s adoption was finalized on August 25, 2006, in Kansas City, MO. The following day, we went to Pittsburgh, PA to see Grandma and meet Grandpa. Great-Grandma was there, and Great Aunt Pam, as well as the entire neighborhood, past and present, Max’s former Scout Master and his wife, and two sets of college friends of ours. It was an amazing open house, and Jack entertained us all day, without much protest. He impressed us all!
Catching Up
14 Aug 2006 Leave a Comment
in activities, update Tags: height, mommy, naps, sassy, singing, swimming, vaccines, weight
I am currently catching up on email from April. I have decided to place anything of interest in this one post, then I do not have to write email to everyone I know.
I’m not lazy, I’m just a person who can only get things done when the baby is asleep.
People ask about work, and if I like being at home with Jack. Well, I really miss working with the people at NEDC. Jack is GREAT and I enjoy being an SAHM, but I have to admit, when Max asks me questions about XML and FrameMaker, I get so happy and excited. I know, I need help. I like using that part of my brain; it doesn’t happen often enough.
How did Stephen Colbert get to be the speaker at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner? I love this stuff!
- What’s Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that’s my right as an American. I’m with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
- If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.
- It’s like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Jack is in the 2-3% of weight and not on the chart at all for height. (His birthparents are both short.) He has a large head though.
He’s finally begun napping on a somewhat regular schedule. If by regular, you accept that he sleeps once somewhere between 9 and 12 and then again somewhere between 12 and 4. Planning is very difficult under this schedule, but we’re getting more done and he’s a happier little guy. One week ago yesterday (Sunday) he began to sprout teeth. He has two rising ripples of solid teeth. And his favorite teething toys: His parents’ fingers. OW!
We’re delaying or not doing a lot of the vaccines, but we did decide to get the HiB shot. Max had to take Jack, because of my severe needlephobia.
We had professional pictures done a few weeks ago, and they were SOOOO expensive. We got the sitting for free through the MOMS Club, so we went. Jack was insanely fussy, then ended up falling into a deep sleep. We didn’t think any of the pictures would turn out, so we decided we just weren’t going to buy any. Unfortunately, a lot of them did look very nice, so I ordered as few as I could, while having enough for us, the grandparents, greatgrandparents, and birthmother.
We go to Missouri at the end of the month to finalize Jack’s adoption (8/25), stay in MO for 2 days, fly to Pittsburgh to see Max’s family and friends. Max’s parents are having a party for Jack. We’re in Pittsburgh for 2 days, then we come back home. I’m so looking forward to the new airline restrictions on liquids.
Jack does actually sing, but he only does it for me and only when he doesn’t think I’m listening. Really. He’s going aaahhh aaahhh or laaa laaa or some combination, with a slightly musical tone.
Jack pulled Sassy’s tail yesterday, so today he was not allowed to be too close to her. Sassy has been very patient with Jack in the last week or so. I think she’s beginning to understand that he’s another person who adores her. Unfortunately, Jack doesn’t pet, he grabs. Sometimes, this is all right, as she likes to be scratched, and that’s what gentle grabbing kind of is. I try to show him how to pet, by petting him, by holding his hand to pet Sassy. Still, he is fascinated by her tail and tries to grab it whenever it gets close, which isn’t often.
I’m glad that the weather is settling down. I couldn’t take Jack out for walks. He did have swimming lessons though. He’s so cute! He enjoyed the water, and I want to take him to the pool on my own, now that I know what to expect, how to handle him in the water, and all that important water safety information. Today, we went to the park and swung. He didn’t want the baby swings, though. Nope. He had to sit on my lap on the big kid swings, which weren’t made for moms, even short ones like me. But it was fun all the same.
My friend Wendy said” I’m finding that even when I have “time to myself” it’s not really “time for myself” and I’m sure you’re experiencing the same phenomenon.
EXACTLY! I finally told Max, that I have exactly one hour each day to get work done, and that he needs to “come home from work”. Because he works from home, he’s always working. (Or playing computer games and reading humor sites.) I’ve been better about asking him for help this past week, and I have told him that he will be taking Jack for a few hours on Sundays, specifically so I can get scrapbooking done. I really enjoy it, and was able to finish about 6 pages yesterday.
I’m constantly reading parenting stuff. I took a break to read The DaVinci Code. So not worth it. I have several books going: What to Expect the First Year, The Baby Book (both of which I read parts of each month), and I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla, about raising children and race awareness. Next up: Scrapbooking for Profit and The Safe Baby (about baby-proofing, which Max is doing some of this week).
My cousin Mandi won Miss Teen Vacaville 2006!
Tales from Mommyhood
31 Jul 2006 Leave a Comment
in activities, everyday Tags: humor, mommy, naps, stung, swimming
In my last post, I said that my next post (that is, this post) would involve Baby Bodily Fluids. I know all of you are waiting to read about them, so I will not make you wait any longer.
Jack likes to fly — we pick him up and raise him horizontally over our heads. One day, Jack was flying. He was soooo very happy! He opened his mouth to laugh… and drooled in Momma’s eye.
I didn’t know drool was acidic.
Jack was supposed to start swimming today. Ever since I’ve wanted to be a mom, I’ve looked forward to “mommy and me” swimming. We had him on a schedule/routine for one week. Max’s aunt and uncle came to visit this weekend, so of course the routine went out the window. (Which isn’t anyone’s fault; no 2 days are ever the same, and we had fun with Molly and Wayne.) So, today, he wakes up, eats, and immediately falls asleep, says Max. My parents and grandma show up around 10:30, expecting a Jack who has just woken up, not one who is just about to go to sleep. Great-Grandma feeds Jack and he falls asleep on her. In 20 minutes, I take him and put him in his crib.
Mini-Rant: I cannot put Jack in the crib unless the crib rail is down. The piece of crap crib (the one I researched and looked at and tested and found to be the best) broke last week, so it is incredibly difficult to lower and raise the bar. Max can put Jack in and take Jack out of the crib without dealing with the rail. You can see where this is going…
Trying to get the rail down, I wake up Jack. I change him, slow dance with him, and put him down. He cries.
He falls asleep before I get downstairs, then starts to cry 20 minutes later. I have no idea what to do. He ends up crying for half an hour, because that’s when his nap would have been over anyway. We play for a bit, then eat, and he falls asleep on me.
I proceed to get these BIZARRE muscle spasms. The last time I had them was after I spent all day cleaning the garage. I wake Jack up when I move around, trying to find a way to sit. Max takes Jack while I go stretch out. I take Jack back, and we do the naptime routine. He’s clearly tired.
Then, I take him upstairs. He gets all happy and smiley and just enjoying our time together. This is great! Sort of. You see, I had to put him down before 3 so he could sleep and we could still make it to swimming. So, we read and dance and I put him in his crib. He’s smiling at me. I close the door and wait for the cry.
Nothing. Sometimes it takes a few minutes.
I collapse on our unmade bed. Jack lets out a YELL.
I sigh, waiting for the next yell, and think about what’s going to happen next, how are we going to do at swimming, should I try to take a nap, and then I realize: No more crying. Confused, I get up and check the clock to make sure I haven’t accidentally slept for 3 hours. Nope. I go into Jack’s room: Sound asleep.
Good Mommy!
Then I realize: Jack ate at 2pm. If he sleeps until 4:30 (for 1 and 1/2 hours), he’s going to need to eat. BUT I can’t feed him, because swimming starts at 5. It would be one thing to throw a satiated, somewhat confused awake baby into a car seat for a ride that ends in him being immersed in water. But I can’t take a hungry baby and do that. I literally forgot that Jack needed to eat.
At 4:30, he’s sound asleep. I make the decision that Jack is not going to swimming. We missed the very first day.
And I am, to be completely honest, heartbroken.
I know it doesn’t make sense; but it’s something that I’ve wanted to do for so long. Like the kid who shows up at Disney World the one day it’s closed. Max and I talk and we have no idea how to schedule a day such that Jack is in the perfect mood to go out swimming at 4:45.
Feeling sorry for myself, I call my newly married friend and fellow mom Annemarie. She’s empathetic and nice, although, she did say one thing that she meant as a positive, but I had already realized as a negative: “Everything is always changing.”
She meant that, Jack’s sleep issues will probably be sorted out soon, and we’ll move on. I thought that, Yes, everything does change. That’s why I can never make plans or give a firm RSVP, to anyone, about anything.
During this call, I decide to sit outside for awhile. I have to sit away from the A/C (too loud). After I sit down and breathe, I realize I am SURROUNDED by wasps. (That’s lowercase.) I try to slowly get up, they come closer, and I feel a very distinct prick…
I scream, throw the phone on the grass, grab my arm, and run into the house. One wasp follows me in. Screaming, I run into the living room and yell to Max what has happened. I help him hunt down the invading wasp. Then I realize, Oh, yeah, I really was stung. OUCH! FUCK!
Max retrieves the phone. Apparently, Annemarie stayed on all that time, and Max gives her back to me as I start icing my arm. (Max actually looked up the care of a wasp sting and was very level headed about helping me.)
So I think, If I had just been a good mother, and gotten Jack on the schedule that he needed, I would have been swimming now, instead of sitting here with a wasp sting.
On the bright side, being stung didn’t hurt as much as I remember it hurting from my childhood.
We will try swimming again tomorrow…
All Purpose Update
24 Jun 2006 Leave a Comment
in adoption, everyday, funny story Tags: adoption, Friends, height, humor, mommy, naps, singing, update, weight
I never explained where “I’m the Mommy” came from. In the TV show “Mad About You” Jaime (Helen Hunt) has interviewed for a job, and somehow Paul (Paul Reiser) runs into the hiring manager, sees his family picture and tells the guy that he and Jamie are “trying.” Jamie finds out and is pissed when the guy has to rethink hiring her. She complains that she shouldn’t have to give up her work, why should she have to change everything in her life? “Because I’m the Mommy?” Paul: “Yeah.” Jamie: “I’m the Mommy?” Paul: “Yeah.” Jamie: “Oh God, I’m the Mommy!”
Thus, it dawns on the woman that everything changes when you’re the mommy, and supposed to have all of the magical answers and unlimited patience, along with the ability to sing endless verses of Old MacDonald and not repeat animals.
Which reminds me: Awhile back, I was singing Old MacDonald to Jack and Max was helping. (HILARIOUS!) Then, I got bored and started: Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are? Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Old MacDonald had a star… “
Jack will now nap with me in the morning/early afternoon. So I’m well rested, but not getting anything done. I’m behind on sending pictures to his birthmom, I have a pile of thank you notes begging to be sent, and I haven’t touched my scrapbooking stuff in ages. And then, Jack will not nap during any other part of the day. The best we can get is, sometimes, he screams himself to sleep and can be put down in his swing. I’m sure that the nap problems have something to do with pain, either from teething or reflux, but he sleeps so well at night. He can be put into the crib awake, and as long as he gets his binky, he goes right to sleep. He also spits his binky out about half an hour into his sleep. It’s so cute! And no, he doesn’t normally cry for it back.
In other Jack news, he’s 12lbs., 6oz., which is small for his age. However, his birthparents are short people, so this is to be expected. He is learning to “sing” — I can’t describe it and do it justice, but it’s really cute. (Although Max finds it aggravating.) He’s hitting all of his milestones, more or less. He won’t do tummy time; he immediately flips over onto his back.
I’m in Weight Watchers. I’ve lost about 10 pounds so far, but the last 3 weeks, I’ve gained little tiny amounts. While I’d like to think it’s because I’m building muscle from carrying 12 pounds around for most of the day, it is more likely that I am not counting points correctly. Eating and remembering what you eat are both difficult tasks when I can get maybe 20 minutes of not interacting with Jack. He plays by himself, but likes intermittent attention, along with verse after verse of Old MacDonald.
My friend Annemarie is getting married at the end of July and I’m a bridesmaid. However, I’m a bad bridesmaid because I haven’t gotten with the other bridesmaid to plan the shower yet.
We had our third post-placement visit Tuesday, and it went well. Jack was awake and happy for it. It’s the last one, then she’ll send her reports to our lawyer and we’ll go to Missouri. In August, after which, we will go and show Jack to Max’s extended family in Pittsburgh.
I’ve recently reconnected with 2 of my high school friends: Adri (Slovick) Frick and Yoon-Soon (Cindy) Cho. It’s so great to have friends!
Of course, Max is rather depressed because he doesn’t have many friends out here, and the ones he does have live far away. That reminds me: Gus, Jenn, I have your Christmas presents in the back of my car!
I'm the Mommy
07 Jun 2006 Leave a Comment
Anyone who reads Max’s journal will know that Jack is not taking naps. We’ve actually resorted to cry it out (twice) and each time Jack spent an hour crying. Screaming, really. I have no desire to repeat the performance, as I fear he will become afraid of his crib. I’ve been reading three books searching for some good answers. Nothing. What to Expect acknowledges that naptime can be tricky, and that a baby of x months should take y number of naps. The Baby Book gives tips that just don’t work, such as “wear your baby.” Jack hasn’t liked the sling since he was 2 months old – too confining. Then there’s “sleep with your baby.” That only works if the baby will sleep! BabyWise discusses the importance of routine, as does The No-Cry Sleep Solution. They do not tell you a) how to establish a routine, or b) what to do if the routine doesn’t work.
But what I really wanted to write about, was that, when I came upstairs tonight, I heard Jack crying softly in his crib. I went in, gave him his binky, he closed his eyes, but he didn’t let go of my finger. When I tried to leave, he became upset (thus, my fear of him associating his crib with us leaving him to cry). I picked him up and patted him and he burped and pooted, making me think gas. I tried to sit down and rock him, and he kept throwing himself to the other side of my body, towards the stool that we use as a table. On it were his sippy cup (from yesterday sigh) and the monitor. He didn’t want the sippy cup and became enraged. Within a few moments, I was afraid that he was in pain, so I turned on the light and called Max, changed Jack’s diaper, and put some Aquaphor on the light diaper rash he had (I thought that might be uncomfortable). After that, I had no ideas. Max took over and eventually rocked Jack back to sleep.
I went to our room, to put laundry away at 10:30 at night. I finished the laundry 2 days ago. And I will have to do laundry again tomorrow. All I ever get accomplished is laundry and dishes. And this led me to cry.
Of the people in CA who have offered to help, only 3 really have – my mother, grandmother, and friend Annemarie. Mom’s help is pretty much sitting in a chair holding Jack, during which I can do laundry and dishes, and sometimes more. Grandma has actually watched Jack. And Annemarie came and cooked food, and bought us stuff, and lent us stuff, and is just generally useful. Annemarie is getting married in 7 weeks, and I am honored to be in her wedding. However, we didn’t have bridesmaids’ dresses until today because I didn’t have time to pay attention as time passed. I don’t really blame myself as much as realize that I just wasn’t thinking. And I hate that.
And then I thought of all my friends in NH. Traci is going through the new mom thing herself. Melissa is a godsend. Joanne is amazingly maternal and helpful (and deserves to be a mom herself). The entire Swonger family may have legally adopted us all. I realized that there are so many friends and acquaintances in NH, that I might have my own network out there.
And this just made me sad. If we lived in NH, we wouldn’t have Jack. (This is the consequence of a lot of “ifs”: If I didn’t have CRPS, then we wouldn’t have had to move, then we would have adopted in 2004, and then it would have been from Russia.) But sometimes I feel so lonely. And I know Max feels even worse. I have my family and Annemarie, and a couple of other friends out here. (I should insert that my friend Wendy has also been helpful with advice and toys and clothes from her 2 kids.) Max’s friends live in Silicon Valley in kind of a cluster. Max is working so much. I rarely see him without the glow of the computer screen on his face.
I’m rambling now, so I’ll go to sleep.
An Old Update
17 Apr 2006 Leave a Comment
I’m a little behind on my chronicles of motherhood. Here’s some pertinent info from the beginning of the month:
7 April 2006
Jack is convinced that he doesn’t need to sleep during the day. This makes him cranky and whiny. I did manage to get him to sleep around 11:30am, and he woke up at 1:30pm. Not bad. But, after eating and being awake for 1 1/2 hours, he still didn’t want to nap. I did. I tried. I think we may have gotten about a half an hour of sleep. He decided to start crying for his dinner at 5pm. I had left the formula out on the counter, so I had to open a new can, and spilled a decent amount of it on the counter. I fed him, he was happy. After the bottle was gone, he erupted in screams. Gas. I got him to calm down and burp, and we sat together watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Out of nowhere he started to fuss and cry. I decided to put him in an outfit that wasn’t covered in spit-up. (Oh, the glamorous life of a mother!) He actually became much happier lying down on the ottoman. He was happy and “talking” (ah-goo!, guh! gee!) so I called Max’s mom so he could “talk” to her. I got to spend about 2 minutes on that, before Jack got fussy. He hates me having the phone on my ear. Anyway, after changing him, I put him in his brand new baby swing. My grandmother bought it for us, Max picked it up and put it together yesterday. Jack likes it! I was able to sit next to him for awhile, then I started checking email. Then he started fussing. He was fighting sleep. I brought him upstairs (crying) and then put him down in his crib with his binky (pacifier) and his teddy blanket. He hasn’t made a peep since.
Aside from the last week or so, Jack really is the best baby. And this last week is about him not wanting to miss anything. He’s incredibly alert, looking all over the place, making eye contact with people. He follows us with his eyes whenever Max or I leave a room. He knows we’re his parents! So, we’re happy about all of that. AND he sleeps at night, from about 11 or 12 to 4 or 5. Max gets the first early-morning meal.
His birthmom and I are trying to call each other once a week, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Either I remember too late to call (she’s 2 hours ahead, time wise) or when I call she’s not there. I’m sending tons of pictures to her. I have a number of them right now, but I need to write on them and put them in order. I’ve got to make this easier, or I’ll never get any time to myself again. I haven’t done any scrapbook work since December. I really miss it.
Rambling On and On
04 Apr 2006 Leave a Comment
in everyday Tags: naps, sleep, supernanny, update
I’ve got some time to write, as Jack is asleep and will probably be so for a loooonnnngggg time. He’s been refusing to sleep during the day. But he won’t be held, or put in his chair. No, he wants to be in his crib. He just wants me/us to constantly entertain him while he’s in there. I am actually getting some reading done (I have 2 books going, not including the 2 baby user’s guides). Right now, I’m more than halfway through Memoirs of a Geisha. I put Jack’s mobile on, and he smiles and dances to it. Eventually, he’ll go to sleep from watching it. However, I must remain there until he is completely asleep, lest he want to hear the mobile again. I don’t mind, though I wish he’d like to be rocked to sleep more. I guess the crib & mobile are just novelties right now.
I’m going through my 110 email messages, and picking out questions and comments from them. One theme that almost everyone addresses is sleep. Are you getting any sleep? Sleep when he sleeps. You must be sleep deprived. When we were in that cursed hotel, we were sleep deprived. After we came home, we were sleep deprived. However, Jack has been sleeping from his last nighttime meal (around 10pm) to about 4am since he was about 6 weeks old. Once Max and I realized that I was really not good at mornings, I started feeding Jack at night while Max goes to bed early. Max wakes up for the first morning meal, and sometimes goes back to sleep, sometimes he stays up and works. I consider ourselves extremely lucky in this respect.
Another theme: We want to meet Jack. OK! Come on down! Jack likes people, and we’re always happy to have someone come and hold him while we do tasks such as email, dishes, cleaning the garage. Yes, just holding and entertaining the baby is all it takes to help us at this point.
Furthermore, EVERYONE has said how beautiful Jack is. While we can’t take credit for this entirely, we are proud nonetheless. I truly think that we have the best baby in the world, even when he combats sleep.
I sometimes TiVo “Supernanny”, the show with the British woman coming to a house to give power to the parents, blah blah blah. Last night and this morning, I watched an episode about a mom with 3 boys, with the father in Afghanistan. I always find fault with the parents in these shows. The biggest reason that I watch it is to see what NOT to do, and to see the techniques that Supernanny uses. This mom was AWFUL! She spanked the kids for anything they did wrong, the kids were trying to kill each other (literally), and she would lock them outside so she didn’t have to deal with them. While I’ve mentioned the words: Child Protective Services on more than one occasion, this mom was just about the worst. (She’s actually tied for worst with a 28 year old mom, married to a 45 year old career military man going to Iraq. He had 3 kids, she had 2, and together, they had 3 more within 3 years. She simply did not pay attention to those kids, who were able to drive those kiddie cars out into the desert and abandon their siblings.)
Whenever I see these shows, I always realize how blessed we are to be parents together with an active, adorable little guy. I could tell cute stories for DAYS, but I think I’ll leave them for next entry. I have to go check on Jack.
