36
27 Sep 2011 1 Comment
in birthday Tags: behavior, birthday, conversation, mommy
Today, I turned 36. Honestly, it wasn’t a very good day. I worked ’til 2 am, got to bed around 4, woke up at 10:45. Picked Jackson up from school, then he talked me into rollerblading while he rode his bike. (Rollerblading is really hard on my knee.) Jackson and I took Firefly (cat #3) for her check up at the vet. When we got home, Jackson wanted to watch movies on my iPhone by himself, so I sorted and started the laundry. I went in to sit and watch with him and he still wanted to be alone. I made a list of all of the things that have to be done before the baby (theoretically) arrives. Jackson still wanted to be alone. I took care of a few computer items, then made quesadillas and soup. Jackson had asked for quesadillas this weekend because he says I’m “an expert at quesadillas.” So I made quesadillas tonight and he didn’t want them. He decided that he didn’t want to go to practice because he was too tired. So, Coach Daddy went to practice and I gave Jackson a bath.
He was good for his bath, but then started bouncing off the walls afterwards. So, he lost his stories. That portion of the evening ended with him declaring that I wasn’t the boss of him, him kicking me from under the covers and telling me to “get out and never come back.”
Just before I started this post, he called, “Mommy, I need you.” We had a talk about his behavior. He said “You’re supposed to treat other people the way you want to be treated.”
Wow – he remembered that. Then he went on, “So you’re supposed to treat me the way I want to be treated.”
Well, almost.
A few sentences later, I mentioned that we didn’t like it when he whined.
Jackson: “But I can’t do anything about whining.”
Me: “Daddy and I don’t whine.”
Jackson: “Yeah, but you’re grown ups. I’m just a little kid.”
Point taken.
I told him we’d try to be more patient, and that he needed to try to listen better.
I tried to read him a story. He decided he didn’t like that story and wanted another one, to which I said no. Then he tried to debate the point with me. I rubbed his back for a bit while he argued, then left the room. Max came home from practice and got him calmed down enough to go to sleep.
So yeah. I’m 36 now.
Family History: Fear
30 Jun 2010 Leave a Comment
in family history Tags: fear, mommy
This week, Dede asks:
Write about what you are afraid of and why.
I’m sort of a fearful person. I do not like bugs. I do not like strange large (or small, really) dogs. I do not like flying. I fear death and what comes after – really, I fear that nothing comes after death. That really freaks me out, especially at night when I’m having trouble getting to sleep. However, none of these fears really affects my everyday life. Some of my fears do.
Needles
I hate ‘em. I mean syringes, not needle and thread. I can sew. I cannot stand needles. In high school, I went ballistic and screamed at a lab tech who tried to take my blood. I was on Valium at the time too. Just after college, I hit a dentist who came near with Novacain. It’s not about looking away, or trying to take my mind off of it. I fear needles the way other people fear spiders or mice. In adulthood, I have found that Atavan works really well to take some of the anxiety away, but I still need my husband (or another willing victim) around to hold my hand. Jack does needles better than I do. (Of course, he doesn’t get them very often. He’s only had maybe 5 or 6 of them in his 4-1/2 years.) When it came time for me to have a TB test, my son had to keep me sane. It was all I could do to hold it together for him. He was very proud of me for being brave.
Heights
Heights are evil. They seem so innocuous and then you get up there and – WHAM! – you’re up too high. I have many embarrassing stories of me getting to the top of something and not being able to get back down. The sound booth in the Dean Lesher Theater, for example. I was directing a one-act that we were doing at the Lesher. (I was in high school – maybe junior year?) All of the directors were allowed something like 5 light and sound cues, and we had to go up to the booth. The way up was to climb this ladder up the back stage of the theater. It went over the proscenium and into total darkness. I was wearing a suede skirt. I was so freaked out, that our drama teacher’s son, who was also the one who directed our shows at school, had to climb up just below me and kind of hang on. This guy was Craig Brewer. Every girl had a huge crush on him. He was hot. And here I was acting like an idiot. I couldn’t get back down. They had to find the building guy who had keys to everything and they took me down through the theater’s offices.
Chairs with Arms
One night when I was very young, I had a dream that the large green office chair on wheels was leading an army of arm chairs to come and get me. Ever since then, I have been afraid of chairs with arms. Actual armchairs, like recliners, are OK. It’s the wooden rocking chairs, swiveling desk chairs, and the like that frighten me. I can’t sleep with one in the room. Right now, there’s a glider in our bedroom. It is covered with stuffed animals so I don’t see the arms.
Family History: Talents
07 Jun 2010 Leave a Comment
in family fun Tags: mommy, robyn, singing, theatre
What are some of my talents?
The first one that comes to mind is singing. I sing. I miss singing. I sometimes get to sing to Jack, but often times, he prefers to sing to himself. He’s definitely got the “I randomly burst into song” thing that I’ve got. I once told him, “Mommy almost knows a song about almost everything.” If I had the time and money, I’d take voice lessons again, then try and find a community theatre group to share them with. It’s ironic – when I was a kid, all of the theatre was for adults. Now that I’m an adult, all of the theatre is children’s theatre.
I suppose that should lead me to acting. I haven’t acted since April 2004 – The Witness for the Prosecution. I think I was a pretty decent actress. I miss it, and I’ve probably lost a lot of skill.
Writing is another of my talents. I think I’ve always enjoyed it. I have a whole bunch of fiction in my brain – the stories I go to when I’m bored or can’t think of something awful. None of it is fit for human consumption, but it amuses me. And of course, I write here, and for work, and on AdoptionBlogs.com (where I’m paid, so I guess that’s work too).
Those are the big three. I have a talent for worrying (most of my family does), but I don’t think that really counts. I could be facetious and put down many “talents” – putting my foot in my mouth, for example. But I don’t feel like being facetious tonight.
I’d like to think that I have a talent for listening too. I may not always know what to say (see above about the foot), but I think I can listen pretty well.
Oh, and I guess reading is a talent, right? I like to read and I do it often. I know big words. I even get to use them sometimes. I’m trying to figure out how to turn Jack on to reading. It’s really not easy. I remember just knowing how to read. I learned the words by sight, I think. I never liked phonics. It didn’t make much sense to me. Jack can’t seem to take his knowledge of the letter sounds and put them together. I mean, he can spell anything, but he can’t read it back.
So I guess teaching is not necessarily one of my talents. But I used to teach, and I did training, and people told me I was good at it. Maybe it’s just about the subject matter.
OK, one more facetious one – I have a talent for staying up way late.
Family History: On My Own
16 May 2010 Leave a Comment
in family history Tags: cmu, college, mommy
Write about leaving the nest and the first time you lived away from home.
I started college in August 1993, just over a month away from my 18th birthday. To say I was homesick is an understatement. For the entire first semester, all I wanted to do was transfer to UCLA. I even got the application to do so, though I don’t know if I ever turned it in.
I shared a dorm room with 2 other girls. It was a tiny room too. I couldn’t really handle either one of my roommates. My initial friends were nice, but I didn’t have much in common with them. It was cool that they threw me a birthday party. One of my other friends had her birthday around the same time as I did. We both turned 18. Our friends got us a cake and everything.
I remember walking in the mall (at school, this was the lawn between CFA and Hammerschlag Hall). It was fall and the sun was setting. I stopped and realized that my family was having a life 3000 miles away, and I didn’t know anything about it. I felt very alone.
I really did love being home for Christmas. It was so nice to fall into the routine I’d known in my high school years. I don’t remember if I wanted to go back to school or not. I did, of course.
In some ways, second semester was worse than the first one. However, I did make a lot of new friends in Scotch n Soda. Most of these friends lasted until graduation, and I’m even friends with some of them still today.
I’ve been trying not to think about college recently. All of the angst of freshman year aside, I really did love being in college. Actually, at the end of freshman year, even though I could have gone home during the first week of finals, I stayed as long as I was able to. (Until they kicked us out of the dorms.) When it was time to go back in August, I was excited about going “home”. I had to show up two weeks early, because I was Computing Skills Workshop teacher. We had to learn what and how to teach the incoming freshmen.
Anyway, I’ve been trying not to think about college because it’s hard for me to realize that those were the best years of my life, and are likely to stay that way. I’m not saying that I don’t have anything good to look forward to. Mostly that the best of my life has passed.
Family History: My Favorite Year
27 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in family history Tags: mommy, school
This week, I decided to write the Family History Tuesday post a little closer to Tuesday. This week’s prompt:
What was your favorite school year ever? What about that year made school/education so good for you?
Kindergarten was probably my favorite. I loved Kindergarten! I learned to read. I had a best friend (Dawn Lynn Workman). We had a great playground with tricycles and swings. My teacher, Mrs. Ferguson, I remember thinking that she was the best teacher ever.
I went to public school – Gregory Gardens. But, the next year, my parents put me in Catholic school – Christ the King. I hated it. I refused to say the alphabet in the mornings because “only babies did that”. I already knew most of what they were trying to teach me. I’m sure I behaved like a brat, but apparently no one knew what to do. I begged my mother to put me back in public school, where they had a gifted/talented program. I didn’t have many friends, and, this being a small school, I was with the same people for 8 long, mostly horrendous years.
There were a few bright spots. Fifth grade wasn’t all bad. We had Mrs. Dorsey, who really seemed to like me and tried to help keep me entertained by learning. We got to do a real report – our state report. I wrote about Pennsylvania, where my mom was born. (My sister copied the report two years later. And yes, my mom knew she did it.) In sixth grade, Liz Lampert joined our class, and she became my friend, along with Linda Silva, who had always been my best friend. I liked our teacher, Mrs. McCrory, a lot, and we didn’t have to do a science fair project. (I hate science fairs.)
I liked high school considerably more, because I went to public school and took drama. Still, I’m not sure I could classify any of my high school years as the “best”. Maybe sophomore year, because we did Godspell, my first real musical. I had a lot of great friends, the greatest of whom I do keep in touch with. Junior year was pretty cool. I got a car.
I remember that, at freshman orientation, we saw this video of a comedian who said, “The high school years are the best years of your life.” I completely disagree. College – the college years are the best years of your life. OK, fine, they were the best years of my life. Sure, I did some really stupid stuff. I had very little money. I worked insanely hard and didn’t have a lot of time to explore the place I lived. I never got on the Scotch n Soda Board of Directors, and I never got the roles I really wanted. Oh, and I almost killed myself. But, I met my husband. I got an incredible education. (How I wish I were doing more with it!) I really learned how to be independent. I took a lot of road trips. I got an internship with Microsoft. College was a truly amazing time.
Family History: Books and Movies
23 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in family history Tags: books, mommy, movies
DesignZ by Dede is still doing the Family History prompts, and I’m still late in answering them.
Write about what you like to read. What’s your favorite book? Write about your favorite kinds of movies to see. What are your favorites?
My favorite book is Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton. Don’t much care for the sequels, but I love the first one. I went on quite a Michael Crichton kick in high school and college. The only other one I really liked, enough to keep it, was Sphere. I have read all of his books though.
Of course I love the Harry Potter series! I’d put them on my favorites list (except maybe #s 5 & 6). On the other hand, I dislike the movies. I won’t let Jack see the movies ’til he’s read the books.
I’m working on getting all of Agatha Christie’s books. I really enjoy mysteries, though I don’t read them enough anymore.
Recently, I have become obsessed with the Twilight series. The books are just mind candy, and I really like the characters. I’m a bit insane about them really.
I don’t get to read many real books. I read a lot of adoption- and parenting-related books. Sometimes, I read books that Max has lying around the house. (That’s how I read The Know It All, by AJ Jacobs. Good book.)
When it comes to movies, I have a very specific list of favorites:
- Gone with the Wind
- Star Wars
- The Princess Bride
- Miracle on 34th Street
- It’s a Wonderful Life
- Clue
I haven’t read any fiction, other than Twilight, that I think is worth mentioning. I haven’t seen many new movies since Jack was born. Star Trek (with Zach Quinto as Spock) was awesome! I want the 2 hours of my life back from Bride Wars. There was a Catherine Zeta-Jones movie with her as a cook that was just blah. I did get to see Dreamgirls, and I liked that one.
I’m really simple to please when it comes to entertainment. But something has to be really good or gripping to get me to remember it.
Family History: Me As a Teen
18 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in family history Tags: growing up, mommy
DeDe provides family history journaling prompts every Tuesday. I’m actually 3 prompts behind. But I’m going to journal them anyway, because I think they’re interesting.
What do you remember about yourself as a teenager? What was important to you? What were your dreams?
Ever since moving back to California, to a city that is 26 miles from the house I grew up in, I’ve been feeling like a teenager again in many ways. It’s hard to describe. There is always something here to remind me of what I was doing 20 years ago. (Yikes!)
I was an incredibly insecure teenager. I loved acting, but didn’t have a whole lot of support in that arena. Sure, my mom doled out fees for school plays and chauffeured me to rehearsals. And my grandparents were always in the audience. But I didn’t have any cheerleaders – you know, people to tell me to go for my dreams. Back then, my dream was to be an actress, but I’m not sure I ever really believed it myself. I did think a lot about becoming a theatre critic. In fact, I chose my college major with that in mind.
I’m sure some people thought I was a brat. I didn’t have the best home life, and it spilled over into my day-to-day relationships. I had to be right. I used to correct my World History teacher’s spelling all the time. All I really had going for me was that I was smart.
I was a drama geek. I took as many Honors classes as I could. I took French and loved it. I hated math – any math. I did extra credit in any class whenever I could. School was pretty easy for me, other than math. Although I didn’t really like science, I was still pretty good at it. I always got B’s in math and PE and A’s in everything else. (I think I got two A’s in math in 4 years – 1 in Algebra and 1 in Geometry, because I did a ton of extra credit work about the history of Geometry.)
My friends were important to me. I really didn’t like being alone.
Theatre – drama – was important to me. I loved being in shows! I miss it. I wish I hadn’t been such a diva sometimes. But being a diva goes back to me having to believe in me, or no one else would. I had to be over the top.
Being smart was important to me. I knew that the only way to get out of a dreary existence was college. I saw all three of my primary baby-sitters, plus one of their sisters, get pregnant just out of high school. It’s funny, because I spent 4 years at CMU so I wouldn’t have to worry about money all the time, I’d have a life less stressful than my parents’ and it really hasn’t turned out that way. I’m still proud of going to CMU though, and I wouldn’t change it.
I had two boyfriends in high school, each for 3 months. Jason was my freshman year and Lyle was my senior year. I’m really not sure what I saw in Jason, frankly. Lyle was quite good looking, and we had some stuff in common. Both were very much below me, academic-wise. Max was the first guy I ever dated who was (is) smarter than I am. I had crushes on guys here and there. One of them married his high school sweetheart, who was another drama geek. I remember it took me over a year to get over Lyle, though I’m really not sure why.
I’m still friends with the most important people from the high school period. There are some people I’m in touch with via Facebook. I’m happy that one of my best friends from high school found me recently. She’s doing well, and I’m glad. I was very worried about her.
I still have a lot of what I wrote in high school, including a family project I did that includes my autobiography. We had to include a section on what we’d be doing in the future. I wrote that I was going to have a husband who was tall, with dark hair and blue or green eyes – and I do! But I also wrote that I was going to have 6 kids – 2 boys and 4 girls. Not so much. We’re having 1 of each, and that’s really probably for the best.
Family History: Family Members
10 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in family history Tags: daddy, family, grandparents, mommy
Once again, DesignZ by Dede poses a question about family. (And yes, I know that, by the time you read this, it will be Thursday.)
Describe each member of your family. How do you see/feel about your parents, your siblings, your spouse, and your children?
This could take awhile… No, is too much, let me sum up…
Everyone here knows that Jack is 4 and is the most amazing little boy on the planet. I’m seeing some of our habits manifest themselves in him, and I worry about that. I don’t want him to be as stressed as his dad and I.
Max is a complicated guy. I guess I just wish that I knew what I could do to make him happier. My senior year of college, I remember saying something to him like, “I could totally make you do whatever I want.” And it’s true. I can. I try not to use that power for evil, but sometimes, I just don’t think about it. I know what I want, and that’s that.
My mom passed away in May. My relationship with her was complicated as well. I wasn’t the daughter she wanted, and she wasn’t so much the mother I needed. She had a big heart though, and she loved her grandsons. I think life dealt her a bad hand, and she never really got over it. I miss her.
And, speaking of complicated relationships, there’s my dad. He’s 72 right now, 12 years older than my mom. He had meningitis when I was 4 – one of my first memories is of my mom and my grandma (who died in 1980) helping my dad down the hall out the door to take him to the hospital. The disease and/or the medications for it left him with the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. I think everyone would agree that 12 year olds shouldn’t be raising kids. I’ve put a lot of my childhood in a box in my head, and I don’t go anywhere near it. If I did, I think I’d end up like my mom, just too overwhelmed to overcome it. My dad is like a big kid, and sometimes it’s just best to let him do what he wants. Of course, he wants everyone else to care about what he cares about. He’s a gardener. I kill plants. I’m pretty sure that disappoints him.
So, yeah, that’s us in a nutshell.
Family History: What’s In a Name?
01 Mar 2010 1 Comment
in family history Tags: mommy, names
I love scrapbooking, and have recently really begun digital scrapbooking. I follow the blog of several designers, including one who blogs about stuff other than scrapbooking sometimes. Today, she’s proposed a Family History Tuesday, and asked her readers to journal about various family history topics. I thought I’d give it a whirl, because I like this first topic:
What is your full name? Who were you named for? How did you get your name? How do you feel about your name?
My full name now is Robyn Marie Nace Chittister. However, I was born Robin Marie Nace – note the change from “i” to “y”. I was named for my dad – Robert. (If I had been a boy, I would have been Brian Robert.) As far as I know, I got the Marie just because my mom liked it.
I always hated my name. In the 4th or 5th grade, a classmate of mine (Vanessa – what a cool name!) was writing people’s names on the chalkboard in fancy writing. Mine was so boring. I said that I wished my name had a “y” instead of an “i”. She said, “Why don’t you just spell it with a ‘y’ then?”.
And so, I did just that.
Robin (with an “i”) means “bird”, but Robyn (with a “y”) means “of bright, shining fame”. So yeah, I liked that better. I changed it legally when I was a senior in high school.
I always hated the last name “Nace”. People would mispronounce it and misspell it, and it’s only 4 letters. I was very happy when Max proposed and I jumped at the chance to change it. “Chittister” is much nicer. I kept Nace as a middle name for legal and sentimental reasons. The last name “Nace” dies with my Dad. It’s a long story, but there aren’t any male Naces to procreate, apparently.
That is the story behind my name. Aren’t you all terribly glad I shared? :0)
Invisible Illness Week
01 Sep 2009 Leave a Comment
(originally posted on LiveJournal)
Apparently, it’s Invisible Illness Week. Who knew? Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about CRPS and its side effects recently, so this meme seemed timely regardless. I’m going to try to be brief. Really.
http://invisibleillnessweek.com/?p=2301
30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know
1. The illness I live with is: Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, aka CRPS, formerly known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, or RSD.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2003 (March 2003 first, then confirmed in May 2003)
3. But I had symptoms since: January 2003 (I was lucky to be diagnosed so “quickly”.)
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: We had to move across the country. Warm, constant weather is better for CRPS.
5. Most people assume: That I let the CRPS stop me from doing things I want to do. Max makes a rather big deal out of my knee, I think. If I really want to do something, I’ll do it, pain be damned. (At least, on a one-time basis.) It’s not so much that there are things that I can’t do – it’s that there are things that I might be able to do that hurt like a bitch.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting into a routine time of waking up. Because I don’t go to sleep at a routine time, and I take meds.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: ER, long ago. I don’t watch medical shows anymore.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: I don’t have any gadgets related to my illness. In general, it’s my shiny MacBook Pro.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Heartburn. The nortriptylin gives me heartburn sometimes. I can sometimes avoid it by eating ice cream or something milk-like before I take it, but that doesn’t always work.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please): Actually, I only take 3 pills and one swig of liquid meds. When it’s allergy season, I add a fourth pill. I’m very lucky. Most people with CRPS/RSD take several medications, including medications for the side effects of their medications.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Love hypnosis! I keep thinking I should find a hypnotherapist out here, but I never do. Hot tub therapy was also incredibly helpful.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I think I’d stick with invisible. In some ways it’s harder, but I don’t think I could deal with people staring.
13. Regarding working and career: Let me tell you about what happened at Oracle sometime… it taught me that being open about an illness is not the way to go. And that set me up for my current predicament. But, I’m keeping this brief…
14. People would be surprised to know: Although I say I have nerve damage in my knee, CRPS messes with the entire nervous system. It rewrites the pathways to your brain, and causes problems like dizziness and short term memory loss.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I really can’t exercise properly. I mean, I could probably do cardio kickboxing, for about a minute, but the pain would be unbearable.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Get by without traditional pain killers. I’m on two off-label drugs for pain, and got off all pain killers in January this year.
17. The commercials about my illness: Don’t exist. I’ve seen ads in Newsweek for neuropathic pain though.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Cardio kickboxing. Seriously. I used to do it at Oracle.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Being thin. With my movement so limited (remember, although I can do things, pain is something I like to avoid), I’m never going to be 110 pounds again. It’s incredibly difficult to manage my weight.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Parenting? I guess that’s not a hobby. I actually had to give up scrapbooking so much because of how I have to sit.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: See, I feel normal a lot. I’m very lucky, blessed, or both. I’m not in constant pain anymore. I know the pain is there, on the edge, and it will come back under certain circumstances. It would be nice to be able to play tag with Jack. Running hurts too much.
22. My illness has taught me: Patience.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When they ask me about surgery, as in, “Why don’t you have surgery to fix your knee?” Because the problem’s not exactly *in* my knee, and you can’t really operate on nerves.
24. But I love it when people: Slow down. Some people walk really fast, and, even though I’m much better than I was, I still can’t walk too fast without feeling the burn.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: There’s nothing in particular. I just try to remember that there’s a reason for circumstances like this, and to be patient and work through them.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Find a good pain specialist! Not an anesthesiologist, but a neurologist or similar doctor. Check out the American Foundation for Pain and find people who have what you have. Don’t listen to doctors who don’t know what they’re talking about.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: That it got better. I was sure I’d never be pain-free.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Well, Max is always nice to me, but the one thing that comes to mind is – My friend Joanne came over right after I first diagnosed and made me lunch and just sat and talked. It was awesome! I miss Joanne.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I’m lucky. I found the right combination of drugs and therapy and now I’m much, much better than I thought I’d ever be. But most people with CRPS aren’t lucky. They don’t get diagnosed quickly enough, doctors don’t understand their issues, and the pain doesn’t respond to traditional drugs and therapies. It’s important that people are aware that pain is a disease.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Content. It’s nice to have friends who’ll stick around for 30 questions.
