Hell on Wheels, Part Two May 29, 2008

So, the day after the hair-pulling incident, Jack was a model citizen at day care. We began using Jamba Juice as a reward – have a good day at Angie’s, get Jamba Juice. (The Matcha Green Tea Smoothie is his favorite. Let there be no doubt that this is my kid.)

He was normal to good for the past two weeks. On Friday (5/23), Jack proudly announced, “I kep my hands to my-self” and got a Jamba Juice. He had JJ on Wednesday (5/21) and, I believe on Monday (5/19) as well.

This Monday was Memorial Day, so, no day care. (Although, Jack did ask to go to day care.) Tuesday, he had a good day, but Max was late to pick him up, so Max didn’t know he had a good day until we were all home and I was reading the composition book from Angie’s. Yesterday, we had playgroup, and I think he was being a good guy. He might have pushed a girl.* He did scratch one of the boys. There’s one little guy he just always ends up in a fight with; sometimes it’s his fault, sometimes it’s the other kid. Life’s like that I guess.

His day care day was dismal. He had taken some toys of his own and would not share, despite the fact that he had taken toys the day before and shared very well. He sassed Angie, and got into a fight with the little girl at day care.

Today, Max called me – Angie called, and Jack needed to come home, because he was pulling little girl’s hair.

There are physiological changes going on:

• Jack has seasonal allergies. We gave him children’s Zyrtec last night, 1 tsp, per dr’s orders.
• Jack is getting molars.
• Jack is eating everything. He’s having a growth spurt.

There’s also a lot going on at home. I’m working. Jack wants nothing to do with Daddy, which is really hurting Max. We’re practicing sitting on the toilet, and occasionally Jack will pee or poop. We’re putting a lot of emphasis on how he’s getting to be a big boy. One of the boys at day care is already toilet trained, and Jack wants to wear underwear like him. We’ve told him that he can do so when he’s ready to tell us when he needs to go to the bathroom.

That was a digression. Anyway… I’m thinking that, with so much going on, Jack is just acting out. I’m hoping that we can focus on the positive. When I talked to him tonight, I just said that I knew he had a bad day, and everyone has a bad day here and there. I said that tomorrow, he just needed to practice keeping his hands to himself. He said, “I have to keep my hands to my-self. I have to practice. I have to play baseball. I need a bat.”

Let there be no doubt that this is my kid.

* At one point, another girl in playgroup screamed. I was closest and turned around. She was there and there were 2 boys close to her, and Jack a bit further away. All she could say was “Pushed me”. And I asked, “Who?” and she said, “Me!” The other boys skedaddled, so I asked Jack, “Did you push her?” and he said, “Yeah.” But I don’t think he did. He was involved in selecting toys from the bins when I looked over at first. So, I told him that we have to make sure not to push people and just let him go.

Hell on Wheels May 13, 2008

In the past two weeks, Jack has gone from being your run-of-the-mill toddler to Rosemary’s baby. While he was once a bit whiny if he didn’t immediately get what he wanted, and he could certainly hit if he was in the mood, he wasn’t all trouble, all the time.

This is the report we got from day care today:

Crazy this morning. Jack was anti-(baby) and (little girl). Jack kicked baby 2xs and little girl 2xs. Hit little girl several times and grabbed her hair. He pulled her hair really hard and a chunk came out.

Please talk with Jack about kicking and pulling hair. The kicking scares me especially with baby.

Then, there’s a smiley face.

Now, two weeks ago, day care woman (DCW) was fine with Jack’s behavior. It wasn’t angelic, by any stretch, but she said he was normal. She said that another boy there had had a problem with not being the baby, and that Jack would probably grow out of it.

Just last night, I talked with Jack specifically about the baby. We worked out what to do if baby wanted his cup or his toy – which was, to say “no” and then go and get the baby a cup or toy meant for baby. Max talked with him this morning about little girl, and how to be nice to her.

Jack isn’t overly violent at home. He does have his moments with the cat, and I know we need to watch that. I just don’t know what to do about his behavior there.

When I came home tonight, he was crying in his high chair. We figured out that he was exhausted, though he had a normal nap, and it took awhile to put him down to bed because he had worked himself into such a state. He is currently having a hard time getting comfortable. He’s “peeping” through the monitor. I’m really quite worried about him.

Anyone have any thoughts?

Ten Stories About Jack April 28, 2008

Work has been heating up, so I’ve not had a chance to do much, blog-wise. I have been jotting down notes, which add up to 10 stories about Jack.

Story One – “I like”

Jack is very big on sentences. His new favorite seems to be: “I like x.” and “x like me.” For example, “I like Alex. Alex like me.” (Alex is a girl at day care.) “I like Mommy. Mommy like me.”

He is also very into the concept of friends. Last Friday evening (4/18) when I was taking him home from day care, we had to stop at Trader Joe’s, which is right next to the pet store, one of Jack’s favorite places. He asked, “We go to peh-store?” I said, “Maybe.” He said, “I see birdies, fishies, and squeak-squeaks. I like birdies. I like fishies. I like squeak-squeaks. They my friends.”

The way he says “friends” is so adorable! I can’t write it phonetically. It’s just the way he intones the word “friends”. It’s almost Southern in pronunciation.

That leads me to a related topic – “mine”. In the last week, Jack has gotten very possessive. If he’s holding it, it’s “mine.” He likes to say “My Mommy.”, “My Daddy.”, “That Jack Mommy.”, “That Jack Daddy.” and so on. (Sometimes he does say, “Jack’s”, but sometimes he doesn’t.

Story Two – Boo Boo

Jack had a boo-boo on his leg – his knee, to be exact. He looked at it and said, “I am broken.” Really – all 3 words.

He then asked for a Band-Aid. He also remembered on Friday (4/18) that I told him we would get him Pooh bear Band-Aids, thus necessitating a trip to Target. They didn’t have Pooh Band-Aids, but they had Spiderman, and that was OK.

Story Three – Toilet Training

I never understood the excitement and pride that parents seemed to feel when announcing to the world that their child had used the toilet. Personally, I feel that such information is best kept to oneself.

Now, to be a total hypocrite, last week (Tuesday, I think), Jack used the toilet for the first time. He’s been sitting on it since January. We bought him a little seat that goes over the real toilet. I’m reading The Everything ‘Toilet’ Training Book (I don’t use the p-word) and it told me to get a couple books for Jack to enjoy. I found two that are pretty neat. Uh-Oh Gotta Go! and the Karen Katz book A ‘Toilet’ For Me. Anyway, we had been in the hot tub (see next story) and I took Jack out of his kick-kick clothes. He peed on the carpet. I said that was OK and asked him if he’d like to sit on the toilet. So he did. And while we were reading, he pooped! Woo hoo! Now, I get the excitement and pride.

Story Four – Height

Jack is now tall enough (34 inches) to stand with his feet touching the bottom of the hot tub, and his chin just touches the water. He’s very happy about this. Sadly, our hot tub seems to be broken, so we can’t go kick kick anymore. I hope we get this ironed out before the summer, when it’s too hot to go in the hot tub.

Story Five “Hi-Oh”

Jack now says “Hello” but he says it “Hi-Oh” like “Ohio” without the first “O”.

Story Six – Dolphin?

All I have written down is “dolphin.” I don’t know what that means. I do know that Jack can recognize dolphins as opposed to fish. But I’m sure that he did something cute involving the word “dolphin” and now I just don’t know what it is.

Story Seven – Tigo Beads

On April 15, Jack came home with a bag full of toys and books from day care. His day care provider, Angie (who is WONDERFUL!) had gone to a forum presented by First Five, about their Tigo program. First Five is dedicated to helping children ages 0-5, and the Tigo program teaches parents how to play with and read to their children. I think it’s awful that a program like that has to exist. Angie was actually supposed to give us (all the parents) a 3 hour class on how to use the toys, and the toys came with this pull out card with instructions, telling us what skills the toys develop. Anyway, one of the toys was lacing beads! I’ve been wanting to get Jack some lacing beads, but I wasn’t sure he was ready. Well, he dumped them out and wanted to play with them. At first, he couldn’t figure out how to do it, and got frustrated, so he asked for help. (I love that he asks for help instead of getting so mad he wants to stop.) I showed him how to lace the beads once, then I held his hands while he did it, then he did it all by himself! I was so excited! I took a video, which I’m putting here (Or not. It’s so big, I have to upload it to YouTube then link it, and I don’t want to do that tonigh. BTW: When he says “Wanna see Jack” he means that he wants to see himself on the camera’s LCD. He’s starting to take pictures, but that’s another post.) I did include a picture of Jack playing Tigo beads.

Story 8 – Cake

Jack loves cake. All kinds of cake. But other than that, I cannot remember why I wrote down “cake.” This story isn’t that good, is it? It’s just a reminder that Mommy created this blog because she couldn’t remember these stories, and therefore should post more often.

Story Nine – eBay

I’ve been bidding on items on eBay. In the middle of last week, the Red Sox “curse jersey” was up for auction. It was on the eBay home page. Jack saw it, and said, wrinkling his nose, pointing at the screen, “That shirt all dirty.”

Story Ten – 1, 2, 3, 4

On Wednesday night (4/23) at 11:54pm, Jack called out from his crib, “One, two, three, four!” then stopped. I have no idea what he was dreaming about. (I know the time because I was working on my computer and wrote it down.)

Plus One

To make up for the dolphin and cake stories, I will tell you about something that happened today (4/28). Jack found Max’s Wii guitar for Guitar Hero. He picked it up and said, “I wanna rock” (only “rock” is still pronounced “wok”, but close enough). Sadly, I was on the phone with my friend Anna and not able to get to the camera in time.

Latest Day Care Dilemma November 3, 2007

I visited 9 in-home preschool/daycares. All but two had issues that I just couldn’t see Jack fitting into. The last two were a small in-home daycare with an informal pre-school program (run by K) and a large in-home pre-school (run by D).
K’s place was one of the first I saw, and I really like her as a person. I can also see her as a teacher. Her rates are reasonable. She is starting over after moving to a new town here. She has 3 kids – 3 yo black boy, 3 yo Hispanic girl, and 6 mo Hispanic girl (sisters). She herself is black, possibly of mixed race. Her space is great, though there aren’t a ton of toys or books around, but there are the basics and everything is neat and tidy. She has no back yard, and takes the kids to the park – walking – every day. There are 2 parks nearby, as in, within .5 mile. While personable, she does run the day care as a business, including a detailed contract and parent handbook. When full, she will have 8 kids on the books, and she is in the process of hiring an assistant.
D’s place was the last one I saw. I really liked the program. D herself is certainly a motherly type, and she sees “her families” as extended family. She has 14 kids on the books, but only 7-8 are ever there at the same time. The pre-school involves signing, as her husband is deaf and they have a deaf son, as well as 3 or 4 hearing impaired children there. The deaf son is also adopted, and she and her husband did foster care for 7 years, recently stopping due to emotional stress. She doesn’t believe in contracts, works out payments with each family individually, and sees this as more of a calling. She has 4 assistants, though there are only ever 2 people there at the same time, due to scheduling, including an accredited pre-school teacher who comes in on Wednesdays. She has a nice backyard with all kinds of toys. She lives literally across the street from a park. Her space is full of educational stuff, toys, and books. While I was there, there were a 20 mo girl, 23 mo boy, at least 3 3yo girls, 1 3-4 yo boy, and 2 children of indeterminate age. All of them are white. All of her kids there are currently white. She is white. The assistants are white. She has had black foster kids in her care, and the children who left (mom quit work to stay home) were black.
Max felt strongly that Jack should be in a smaller program, so we chose K.
Personally, I feel like I chose K over D because K is black, and is more likely to have diverse children in her care. I know it’s important that Jack be around kids who look like him. He’s the only non-white kid in his age group in the MOMS Club. He’s the only non-white person here until at least late-2009. And I like K. I think she’s great, Jack got along with her – though he got along everywhere we went. D’s was the only place he wasn’t pulling at me and saying “bye bye” though. I just worry. Jack will be the only one of his age at K’s; at D’s he would have had at least 2 in his age group. (Because of licensing, K can only take 2 kids under 2 at a time. Jack is 21 months.) D emphasizes signing, while K doesn’t deal with it at all. I know that I hated being in a small class at school because I didn’t have many options for friends. Now, that was when I was 6+, so I don’t know if it’s the same with little children. I think Jack will be fine at K’s, I just wonder if he wouldn’t like it more at D’s. How much of this is me projecting wanting a big family? I also always felt academically stilted, like I was so far ahead of everyone else, and there was no way to move forward. Again, this is from age 6. I know that kids spend too much time in school these days – It’s now 16 years or something like that. So having a pre-school that is very basic and care that is based on play is probably a good choice for an almost 2 yo. But what if Jack can feel like he’s smarter than that? With just a couple of other kids, how will that affect his socialization? One of the reasons we’re going with day care over asking a friend is so Jack can be closer to other kids.
I don’t know. I didn’t find the perfect place that I wanted to find. I know that we’re not locked into anything. If K’s isn’t a good fit, we can go elsewhere. And it’s not that I don’t like K. I just somehow feel that D would have been the overall better choice. If she or any of her kids or assistants were black, I probably would have pushed for her.
I just needed to get all of this out of my brain. Thank you for … well, doing whatever it is you’re doing.

This is My Life: Day Care October 26, 2007

For the past 2 weeks, I have been researching, calling, Googling, emailing, interviewing, and schlepping to, day care/preschools. Just from the names that sounded nifty, I have 3 pages of listings. Where there were web sites, I visited them. I’ve now been to 6, and have 3 more scheduled to visit, plus a few more that I want to call. These are all home day care/preschools. I’m not into an institutional location for Jack quite yet. He’s only 21 months, and, although I would love to send him to the local La Petite Academie, I think he and his therapist might have problems with that in his later years.
First Day Care – nice lady, she and all the kids in the day care appeared to be white. She had a great back yard. She’s close. But the inside space was a little small.
Second Day Care – super-structured woman, she was a lawyer in Peru before coming here. She had no backyard activities, though her indoor play space was quite nice. Oh, and it’s .5 miles from my house, so we could walk.
Third Day Care – farther away than I thought. The woman is black, and the kids in her care seem to be black as well. Jack enjoyed playing with the 2 girls who were there. The space – indoor and out – is smaller than I would like. I really liked her as a person; I could see being friends with her. I’m just not sure I got a teacher vibe. Also, she has to be strict about nap time, and wakes them up because she has to pick up kids from school. She lives within walking distance, though it’s a LONG walk.
Fourth Day Care – really nice lady, who’s also black (possibly mixed). She’s the furthest away you can get and still be in East CC County. She has no backyard, but has a great indoor play space and is within walking distance of 2 parks, which she visits daily with the kids (weather permitting, but this is California). I really like this one.
Fifth Day Care – on the phone, the woman tells me that she has ADHD and is writing several books. Because she has an amazing web site, including the ability to log on and see the kids on CCTV, I go anyway. Her set up is great – big backyard with LOTS of toys, and the entire front portion of her house is a school. But she just … she kept telling me about the real estate deals she’s working on (she’s an agent) and how she raises these exotic birds for the pet store. I also wasn’t comfortable with how much she thinks she knows more than the parents know. She said, about this 3 month old baby in her care, that baby’s mom was sad leaving her. Day Care Woman said, “Just think, in a couple of weeks, she’s not going to know who’s mom, me or you. That’s how much she’ll be loved.” I know my face went into some sort of reaction contortion, though I tried really hard to cover up by reading the contract.
Sixth Day Care – a woman who just had her hip displaced. This would be like sending Jack to Grandma’s – well, Great-Grandma’s. She was the sweetest woman ever. Her granddaughter helps her. She was very down to earth, and just nice as nice could be. Jack really liked the granddaughter. The set up is OK.
Basically, if the sixth woman was black and had the house of the fifth woman, then we’d probably have our day care provider.
It’s important to me that Jack have black people in his life. Would I choose a black caregiver over a white one if the white one were more qualified? No. But all things being equal, yes.
On Monday, I’m seeing a preschool here in Antioch, and one in Brentwood. Then I’m visiting a Montessori school on Tuesday. Jack can’t go until he’s 2, but I’ve heard good things about Montessori programs in general, and would like to learn more.
Tomorrow, we are finally taking family pictures. At JC Penney. We’re all wearing red shirts and jeans. And Jack will also get pics in his cow costume.
I should add that I think Jack will be fine wherever he goes, as he’s been very happy to play with the kids and caregivers wherever we’ve gone.
More later.