Date with the Checkout Woman
20 Dec 2011 2 Comments
in adoption, not kids Tags: adoption, conversation
We do 90% of our food shopping at a small grocery store that stocks mostly organic food. We’ve been going there since Jackson was about 1 year old, and many of the employees have been around awhile. One of the checkers is a black woman. We’ve always chatted whenever we happen to be in her line. She really seems to like Jackson. Last week, Jackson saw her in the store, and brought her over to see his baby sister. (I guess she was returning food to the shelves, so she wasn’t behind a cash register.)
We started chatting, and she asked, trying to be careful and going for maybe a little bit of humor, “How difficult was it to … acquire them?” I smiled and said, “It was easier to acquire Jackson than Cassie.”
It turns out she’s single and has been thinking about adoption for awhile now. She asked a few questions. It was clear that she had many of the misconceptions that people outside adoption usually have. I told her that if I was ever around when she had a break, I wouldn’t mind talking to her and answering her questions. She asked what my schedule was like this week! So, we ended up having coffee together today during her lunch break.
She asked some really good questions, like, “With the fees involved in adoption, what’s the difference between adoption and buying a baby?”, “How do you know it’s all ethical and above board?”
I shared my opinion on the subject (which I’m not sure I’ve explicitly written about, though I have mentioned it). I also told her about agencies, facilitators, and attorneys. I told her about the fees involved. I told her about Pact, specifically. I told her how long it took us to adopt Jackson (8 months, from signing with the facilitator to his birth) and how long it took us to adopt Cassie (19 months, from starting our home study to her birth). I told her about the home study, and what it entails.
She also talked a bit about race and a tiny bit about her view of transracial adoption. I might make a post of it.
In the end, she had to go back to work. She said that she “didn’t think it was something” she wanted to go through. So, I may have just talked the grocery store checker out of adopting. I rather hope not. Only time will tell.
She Didn’t Believe Me
13 Oct 2011 3 Comments
in conversation Tags: conversation, Jackson, school, transracial adoption
My Dad volunteers at Jackson’s school on Thursday mornings. He gardens. When I picked Jackson up today, I asked him if he saw Grandpa Bob.
Jackson: Yep. I sure did!
Me: Was that fun?
Jackson: An elementary kid didn’t believe he was my Grandpa.
Me: Why not? (I figured I knew why not, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.)
Jackson: She thought my whole family was brown.
We talked for a bit about the fact that there’s another brown girl in his class who has a white Mommy. (For that matter, there’s another brown boy in his class who has a white Mommy.) I pointed out that if Jackson still lived with S, his grandfather would be white, because S’s father is white.
Jackson: I know.
Me: How did that make you feel?
Jackson: Sad. And angry. She just wouldn’t believe me!
Me: Well, you know Grandpa Bob is your Grandpa, and Grandpa Bob knows Grandpa Bob is your Grandpa, and that’s what matters.
I’m really surprised that the elementary girl argued with him. I could see being surprised – a few of Jackson’s friends have asked me why we’re white and Jackson’s brown. Jackson likes to tell them that “my birthmudder” or “my other mudder” is brown, and we say he was adopted. The kids accept that and move on.
Jackson couldn’t recall exactly what was said during the argument. I’d like to know. I’d like to know if it was long or short. It could have happened during a time when they weren’t supposed to be talking at all, so there would be the additional anger of being reprimanded by a teacher for talking if that happened.
We live in such a diverse place, and the school is really diverse, with a lot of seemingly mixed race families, that I’m puzzled by the girl’s insistence that my Dad couldn’t be Jackson’s Grandpa.
I have responses prepared for a lot of common situations, but not this one. It seems to me that the best thing to say is what Jackson said: “Yes he is.” and leave it at that.
Thoughts?
36
27 Sep 2011 1 Comment
in birthday Tags: behavior, birthday, conversation, mommy
Today, I turned 36. Honestly, it wasn’t a very good day. I worked ’til 2 am, got to bed around 4, woke up at 10:45. Picked Jackson up from school, then he talked me into rollerblading while he rode his bike. (Rollerblading is really hard on my knee.) Jackson and I took Firefly (cat #3) for her check up at the vet. When we got home, Jackson wanted to watch movies on my iPhone by himself, so I sorted and started the laundry. I went in to sit and watch with him and he still wanted to be alone. I made a list of all of the things that have to be done before the baby (theoretically) arrives. Jackson still wanted to be alone. I took care of a few computer items, then made quesadillas and soup. Jackson had asked for quesadillas this weekend because he says I’m “an expert at quesadillas.” So I made quesadillas tonight and he didn’t want them. He decided that he didn’t want to go to practice because he was too tired. So, Coach Daddy went to practice and I gave Jackson a bath.
He was good for his bath, but then started bouncing off the walls afterwards. So, he lost his stories. That portion of the evening ended with him declaring that I wasn’t the boss of him, him kicking me from under the covers and telling me to “get out and never come back.”
Just before I started this post, he called, “Mommy, I need you.” We had a talk about his behavior. He said “You’re supposed to treat other people the way you want to be treated.”
Wow – he remembered that. Then he went on, “So you’re supposed to treat me the way I want to be treated.”
Well, almost.
A few sentences later, I mentioned that we didn’t like it when he whined.
Jackson: “But I can’t do anything about whining.”
Me: “Daddy and I don’t whine.”
Jackson: “Yeah, but you’re grown ups. I’m just a little kid.”
Point taken.
I told him we’d try to be more patient, and that he needed to try to listen better.
I tried to read him a story. He decided he didn’t like that story and wanted another one, to which I said no. Then he tried to debate the point with me. I rubbed his back for a bit while he argued, then left the room. Max came home from practice and got him calmed down enough to go to sleep.
So yeah. I’m 36 now.
Library Card and Other Stories
10 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in my kids are great Tags: conversation, library, math, Monopoly
Today, Jackson got his very own library card. I thought you had to be 5 to get one. Turns out, you just have to be able to write your name. Jackson said, “I could have had one when I was four.”
Still, he was very proud to check out his own books. This makes him want to go to the library more.
We’ve also been playing Monopoly. Not only can my boy count by 10′s, he can count by 20′s. He took out two 20′s and said, “Forty.” So I asked, “What’s two times twenty?” and he came back immediately with, “Forty.”
The other day, we were reading Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten. (Kindergarten starts next week!) I said to Jackson, “If there’s one student for every letter in the alphabet, how many students are in the class?” He started counting, “One, two… Twenty-six!”
My son is a genius.
Yeah, I’m a little biased.
Seven days ’til Kindergarten!
Keeping It Real
02 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in conversation Tags: adoption, birth family, conversation
Today, we hit a milestone that I thought I had at least 5 more years to come to pass.
Jackson had the phone and was pretending to call people. I asked who he wanted to call. He said, “I want to call my real mom.”
Yeah… I said, “I’m real.” And he said, “I mean, S.”
Yeah… I told him that I am real, not fake or pretend. That S is his birthmother and that we’re both his real mothers.
He said that, because he didn’t come out of my tummy, I wasn’t his real mom.
I asked him where he learned this.
He said, “I figured it out by myself.”
I doubt that, actually. We don’t tell him that babies are in tummies, for one thing. I try to use the correct terminology, or just go with “inside”. (Until 5th grade, I honestly thought babies grew in a mom’s stomach and popped out, like in the movie Alien. So, I try to be a little more correct.)
I don’t plan to make a big deal of it. I just thought I had awhile before I heard anything resembling, “You’re not my real mom.”
Hanukkah and Harmonicas
08 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in conversation Tags: conversation
Brief conversation between Max & Jack from the other day…
Jack built a menorah out of Legos, and declared proudly, “It’s a harmonica. They’re not Jewish; they just like celebrating harmonica.”
To which Max replied: “Harmonica and Hanukkah are not the same thing.”
I’m just happy that he remembers Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah, and that he knows people who aren’t Jewish could celebrate Hanukkah if they wanted to.
This reminds me of a conversation we had one or two years ago…
Jack: Why do Sophie and Emmy celebrate Hanukkah?
Me: Because they’re Jewish.
Jack: And we’re Christmas-ish?
He Knows Me So Well
27 Dec 2009 Leave a Comment
in conversation Tags: Christmas, conversation, twilight
(originally posted on LiveJournal)
“Yeah. It’s what you read all the time.”
*sigh*
A Brief Thought on Christmas
08 Dec 2009 Leave a Comment
in conversation Tags: Christmas, conversation, funny
We have one book about Hanukkah, which Jack really enjoys. He asked when we would get our Hanukkah decorations out.
Me: We don’t have Hanukkah decorations.
Jack: Why not?
Me: We’re not Jewish. Sophie and Baby Emmy have Hanukkah decorations. They’re Jewish.
Jack: And we’re Christmas-ish?
Impromptu Jack Funny
08 Nov 2009 Leave a Comment
in conversation Tags: conversation, funny story
Mommy: Jack, next week we’re going to have our pictures taken.
Jack: And Grandpa?
Mommy: No. Because adding Grandpa would be too hard.
Jack: And adding Great-Gramma would be too soft.
