Adoption Magazine is hosting a weekly blog hop. I liked this week’s topic, so I decided to participate on time. That’s a big concept for me.
“What has surprised you about the adoption experience?”
I think a better question would be: What hasn’t surprised me about the adoption experience?
I was surprised to find out that there are people who are vehemently anti-adoption. To me, you might as well be anti-oxygen. It doesn’t make any sense.
I was surprised to find out how divided the so-called adoption community can be. “Happy” birthmothers vs. “bitter” birthmothers. “OK” adoptees vs. “angry” adoptees. Infertile prospective adoptive parents who think that fertile people shouldn’t adopt at all, or should only be allowed to adopt from foster care. International adoptive parents vs. foster adoptive parents vs. domestic private adoption parents. Wherever there can be a division, there is one. Sometimes, it seems like no one can agree on anything. The animosity between groups can be frightening.
I continue to be surprised that laws are so different from state to state, or even county to county. One sure way to increase ethics and reduce fees and fraud would be to have federal adoption laws.
I am consistently surprised by the people who call themselves “experts” who are really just adoptive parents with loud voices. I saw a quote recently: “If you know one adoption, you know one adoption.” Exactly. (That quote is apparently by Joyce Macguire Pavao.)
Adoption is huge. There are so many different types of adoption, to begin with. Then you throw personalities into the mix – actual people as opposed to stereotypes. You can add religion, or not, infertility, or not. People are all different ages, from different time periods. You have people from all places who are thrown into one big community called “adoption.” A lot of these people are just trying to figure out their own lives, but that doesn’t stop some of them (myself included, sometimes) from telling others what they should do.
We are all different. We have all come to adoption from different perspectives. We all bring our own experiences to the table. I don’t think there is the adoption experience. There are many adoption experiences, and we will have many surprises on our different journeys.