The Honeymoon’s Over

30 Nov 2011 1 Comment

by chittisterchildren in behavior Tags: , , ,

I spent Sunday night/Monday morning thinking up this post. I didn’t post it because I was rocking with Cassie. Cassie had a very cranky day on Sunday, and didn’t want to go down in her crib at all.

Cassie’s cranky day coincided with Jackson’s 9th consecutive day of no school, and his 2nd consecutive day of staying at home in his pajamas. Jackson was not happy that Cassie was getting so much attention.

“It’s no fun being the big brother! No one pays attention to me!”

I knew he would figure it out eventually.

He’s finally tired of everyone oohing and aahing over the baby. He wants us to play with him and put her down. He’s taking his frustration out on the cats, Firefly and Jinxy. He’s either smothering them with love or yelling at them. (More on the cats in another post.)

He wants us to give Cassie baths because she hates them. I think it’s the only way he can get his revenge for having to fetch her binky or watch her while we flush her gdiapers.

However, after her necessary bath on Monday night, he decided I should take pictures of them. I got some decent shots, and one totally awesome one:

Cassie and Jackson

Big Brother, Little Sister, Pure Awesome

Cassie is One Month Old!

26 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment

by chittisterchildren in Cassandra Tags: , , ,

On November 25th, Cassie officially became one month old. Of course, we have the pictures:

Honey Bee, Cassie, and Her Teddy

Cassie's Official First Month Photo

Cassie Smiling

Cassie Smiling

Cassie Crying

Cassie Crying

Cassie’s special stuffed animals are her Honey Bee and her Teddy Bear. The bee’s name is Honey, but the bear will be nameless until she names him. The Louisiana state insect is the honeybee, which is why it’s her special animal.

I actually don’t know how much Cassie weighs. I keep meaning to weigh her, but that would mean weighing me with her, and no one really wants that.

She’s eating like a professional though! She loves her food and rarely spits. She’s still having some trouble sleeping in her crib, but we can work on that.

Cassie’s met all of the major milestones for a one-month old:

  • She can lift her head.
  • She can focus on faces, especially when you’re feeding her.
  • She responds to sounds.

In this past week, she’s gotten much more alert. She’s very interested in Jackson. I’m hoping the weather next week is good, and my health is good, and we can go for some walks.

Remember Jackson at One Month?

As an added bonus, here’s a sneak peek at one of our holiday card photos:

Jackson & Cassie

Big Brother & Little Sister

Cassie’s First Thanksgiving & What I’m Thankful For

24 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment

by chittisterchildren in holidays Tags: ,

Seeing as how Cassie is just one day shy of one month old, she didn’t care all that much about Thanksgiving. But I put her in a cute dress and Thanksgiving-themed bib just the same. Great-Grandma spent most of the time holding Cassie.

A lot of my Facebook friends have been posting one thing that they’re thankful for each day. I’m too lazy to do that, so I thought I might share what I’m thankful for here.

  1. I am thankful for my children, Jackson and Cassie, even when they’re very loud or don’t sleep when we want them to. They’re awesome little people, and I look forward to seeing how amazing they become each day.
  2. I am thankful for my husband, Max, who is often better than I deserve.
  3. I am thankful for my nearby family, that my father likes to garden, that my grandmother who is almost 90 is healthier than most 40-year olds, and that they both love their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
  4. I am thankful for my extended family, throughout the US, including my many cousins.
  5. I am thankful for my nearby friends, whether they like Twilight or mock it.
  6. I am thankful for my friends all throughout the country and abroad.
  7. I am thankful for my children’s birth parents, who made the difficult decisions to trust us to parent. Without them, we wouldn’t be a family.
  8. I am thankful for the Internet, so I can see my friends and family and their children every day. As much as I hate the new Facebook, I have to admit it’s a handy way to keep up with so many far flung individuals.
  9. I am thankful that we moved back to California – because of this, we got to spend another year with my grandfather before he died, and another five years with my mom before she died. (The teddy bear in the picture belonged to my grandpa. Great-Grandma brought it for Cassie, so now she has something of his.)
  10. I am thankful for our house. It may not be perfect, but it’s a home.
  11. I am thankful for our jobs and for the people with whom we work. Max’s boss and my government-related organization are really almost everything we could want in employers.
  12. I am thankful for Jackson’s school. We’re making many new friends, but more importantly, we feel that Jackson is getting a good education that is more suited to him.

I could go on, but Cassie is stirring – about to wake up for whatever meal one eats at 10:30 at night.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Good luck on Black Friday, all you insane shoppers!

 

Surprisingly, Breaking Dawn Part I Didn’t Suck

19 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment

by chittisterchildren in not kids Tags:

My friend Shaina and I went to see Breaking Dawn Part I today. Shaina and I went to mock the movie. Neither Robert Pattinson nor Kristin Stewart can actually act (at least in these movies) so you pretty much have to mock. For what it’s worth, I think part of the poor acting is due to poor direction. So much of the Twilight books take place inside the characters’ heads that it’s hard to translate that to the screen. You need a really good director to actually direct the actors to do more than “Look stricken!” and “Brood!”.

Anyway, Team Jacob fans may actually like this movie. It begins with Taylor Lautner taking off his shirt. Jacob and the wolves get the best material and the best effects.

For some reason, the makeup people cannot seem to do vampire makeup. The vampires’ skin never looks the same twice, and it’s almost never pale enough. Shaina also immediately noticed that their hair was all different. Vampires can’t grow hair. Esme’s hair is a completely different color. Vampires can’t dye their hair either, at least, not for long periods of time. (Long story.) The makeup people did a horrible job with Bella’s bruises after her first night with Edward. However, they did a great job of making Bella look like crap while she was pregnant.

Charlie got a couple of good lines. My favorite – he was looking at the artwork in the Cullens’ stairwell. In the books, Edward explains to Bella that Esme made it out of all of the graduation caps they’ve accumulated over the past 80 years. Charlie says to Renee, “Are those graduation caps?”. Renee replies, “How creative!” Charlie says, “Or weird.”

Everyone should have laughed at Emmett’s toast, and I don’t care how famous the girl who plays Jessica Stanley is now, they shouldn’t have given her a toast.

The movie stayed to the plot for the most part, and I think they kept what was good from the book. They kept the moment that Edward realizes he can hear the baby, and that’s just about the only part that Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson do well. It made me happy.

I had to look through my fingers at the birth scene. I’m not so bad with blood anymore, but needles – ack! – and there were a lot of them. Renesmee came out covered in chunky blood, and Shaina said she looked animatronic. The Renesmee on whom Jacob imprinted was CGI.

There were a bunch of cheesy, EPCOT-like effects of the vampire venom working inside Bella’s body. The movie ended with vampire Bella opening her eyes.

Some of the credits rolled…

And then we see the Volturi getting a message from Carlisle that Bella has been changed.

End movie.

My Little Obsession with Twilight

18 Nov 2011 3 Comments

by chittisterchildren in general

First, an apology to my subscribers. This blog actually started out on LiveJournal. I was talking to a friend today who said that she had read my blog, but that she hadn’t seen the posts tagged “twilight.” So I looked, and I never brought most of them over. I decided to do that tonight. Apparently, that means that all of my old posts are sent to my subscribers. I’m really sorry! I didn’t realize until I was almost done. The next time I bring old content over, I’ll try and figure out how not to annoy people.

The post I was looking for was Escape.

How did I get into Twilight? I was talking to my then-new-friend Christy. It was maybe two weeks after my mom died. We were talking about books – we share the same interests – and she asked what I thought of the Twilight series. I told her, “Max won’t let me read it.”

I could tell I had offended Christy’s feminist sensibilities. “He won’t LET you?!?”

So she made an effort to drop the first book off to me.

I hated the first chapter so much, I almost stopped reading. But I decided I owed it to Christy to keep going. This lead to the post Stupid Stupid Book That Makes Me Stay Up ‘Til All Hours of the Night Reading It.

I read the entire saga in eight days. And then I read it again. And again. I highlighted the parts I liked best.

I was working insane hours then. I was a full-time employee, but I worked every day, including weekends, from the day after my mom’s funeral (May 29th) until Labor Day. (Actually, Max stopped me from working on July 4th, Independence Day.) I worked from when I woke up – I read software manuals at breakfast – until dinner. Then, I played with Jackson for an hour or so, bathed him, put him down, and worked until 2 am. Then, I read Twilight for another hour or two.

I loved Twilight because I didn’t have to think. Because the characters were so young and anything was possible. Because it had true love. Because it had Alice, who could see the future, and Emmett, the best brother a person could ever have. Because it ended with a happily ever after.

I started reading Twilight fanfic. I still do, on occasion, though much less than I used to. I don’t think I read anything that wasn’t Twilight-related for about a year. I wouldn’t read any fanfic that couldn’t properly use the terms “Cullens”, “Cullen’s”, and “Cullens’”. That was my criteria.

Why am I telling you this? Breaking Dawn, Part 1 opens today. I’m supposed to go and see it with a friend. We appreciate that it’s crack. The movies are horribly awfully bad, but they’re fun! And even though I’m Team Edward, Taylor Lautner is certainly easy on the eyes.

Twilight has actually been a big part of my life. It’s the past time for when I’m not being Mommy or Senior Technical Writer. I take a lot of flack for it from my husband (and his Facebook friends were recently downright mean about the fact that there are Twilight-themed baby showers in the works). And you know what? Twilight actually has adoption themes. That’s right, I’m going to write about Twilight and adoption.

But not today. Today, I thought I’d “come out”.

I am Robyn, and I am addicted to Twilight. In the words of the sticker that Christy gave me for my birthday, I have  Obsessive Cullen Disorder.

Adoption Bloggers Interview Project: Meet Kelsey of A Birthmother Voice

17 Nov 2011 3 Comments

by chittisterchildren in open adoption roundtable Tags: ,

Adoption Bloggers Interview Project 2011 The Adoption Bloggers Interview Project was created and coordinated by Heather at Production, Not Reproduction. Two adoption bloggers are randomly paired. We read one another’s blogs. We ask one another questions. We answer those questions.

This year, I feel very fortunate to be paired with Kelsey of A Birthmother Voice. I’ve been reading her blog for over one year now. Kelsey is not only a birthmother, she is the author of The Best for You, a children’s book about why a birthmother chooses adoption for her child. More than 20 years ago, Kelsey placed three children for adoption – her daughter and then her twin sons. Her blog is insightful and positive, even when she discusses difficult topics.

Without further ado, here are my questions and Kelsey’s gracious answers:

Robyn: [D]o your adopted sons and daughter have contact with one another? Did you ask the parents who had adopted your daughter if they might like to adopt your sons?
Kelsey:When my sons found me on Facebook, they then contacted her and since they have been chatting from time to time. I do not ask much about that when I talk to them, I feel that they need to explore those relationships on their own.As far as asking her parents, that never crossed my mind. They had other children of their own as well as my daughter and once she came into their lives I believe they felt complete. I left my home state of Missouri to proceed with the twins adoption. There were many reasons why I chose to do so, but most of all I knew that my sons would go together to their family.
Robyn:What were some of the questions your adopted children had while growing up? How did you handle them? If you know how the adoptive parents handled them, did you think they handled them well?Kelsey: My daughter has always been quite comfortable with her life and the knowledge that she was indeed adopted. If there were questions, she usually had the information that she needed because the relationship between her family and mine was somewhat close. She was very well adjusted at a young age and her parents did allow her the freedom to spend time with me so I know that it helped her feel my love for her.As far as my sons are concerned, the relationship was different in that it was not as close as my first adoption. Their parents were much more private people and our agreement was honored in that twice a year we exchanged photos and information. I was content with that and in my letters I did tell them how I was doing and what I was wondering about the boys. Their mother was thoughtful in her answers and to tell you the truth the subject of how they boys felt about being adopted and the such just was not discussed that much. She never really asked any questions because I think she had all the info that she needed from my correspondence. I always sent cards on birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day and Thanksgiving … always. I wanted my children to know that I was thinking about them, even if they would not see the cards until later in life at least they were in existence, showing that they were on my mind and in my heart.

Robyn: What are some of the questions Bodde and Chase [the sons whom Kelsey parents] have had about their siblings?
Kelsey: There is nothing that I hold back from my children and adoption has always been a part of their lives. I think the recurring question is – will they ever meet their sister and brothers? I always tell them that they will, someday. I explain that in adoption there needs to be room for two families, and meeting each other may not happen for a while. Bodde understands much more than Chase does, but the younger one also likes to dance while doing multiplication so he is not the deep thinking kind just yet.
Robyn:What are your feelings on “positive adoption language” and terminology? You call yourself a birth mother, do you have an opinion on that vs. the term “first mother”? How do you feel about the phrase “give a child up for adoption”?Kelsey: Yeah, I get dinged for using birth mother quite often because of all the terms out there, it is the one who gives life that has multiple names. So many different names. When I was pregnant I heard “biological mother” quite often and that always had a very negative tone in my mind. Aren’t all mothers biological mothers? By the time I had decided on adoption, the term “birth mother” was used only on paper and most people just called me “Kelsey”. But first mother, natural mother, tummy mommy I do not use any of those terms on my blog and if I do I am referencing them in this kind of format. I don’t have a problem with them, I just use what I have always used and see no need to change it. It is what I am.However, the phrase “give a child up for adoption” does bother me only in my own capacity. I did not give up on my children. I searched my soul and searched the realms that I was in for the best parents and family for my children. I did a lot of research … the laws, other mothers, other adoptees, what I could ask for, what adoption can do to a child, how my life was going to be affected by the loss. I also researched the parents as much as I could, questions galore, and not easy ones either. I was tough when it came to where the boundaries were, how often I could contact them to find out how the children were. I choose to say that I placed my children with their families because that is exactly what I did. I never gave up. I always followed up and it was not just for my sake, but also for their sakes. I think that the adoptive parents felt just a little more comfortable with me every time I sent a letter their way. The reassurance that I was living life and just admiring from a distance helped them accept me a little more, and that is always good for the child.

Robyn: Do you watch any of the current fictional TV shows that feature adoption (Glee, Once Upon a Time, Parenthood, Modern Family, etc.)? If so, what are your thoughts? If not, have you followed any of what’s been said and been intrigued?Kelsey: I did watch Glee once upon a time – Sue Sylvester is the BOMB! Love her! However they did kind of lose me with the story line of Rachel and her mother, ESPECIALLY when her mother adopted the daughter Quinn had at the end of the season. Not to mention, I felt that they did not delve deep enough into Quinn’s character that year on the show, the pregnancy seemed more of a nuisance to her than the life altering event that it would become for a girl in her position.I also watched the first season of Parenthood and loved it, but it no longer works with this year’s schedule. Maybe I can catch it over the summer to catch up on reruns ;)   Overall I think that the writing for adoption on television is not what it could be. There are some very deep issues, and also some wonderful self discovery that could be portrayed, I just have not seen it that way.

Robyn:What would the ideal open adoption agreement laws be? Should open adoption agreements be binding? If so, what are the consequences for each party not following the agreement’s terms?Kelsey: This question is like a giant bomb that has many tiny timers on it that will continue to explode for a long period of time. I will answer here out of order, so please bear with me. Should adoption agreements be binding? Yes. Yes. And YES! Unlike any other kind of specialty law, there is none that is more misconstrued than adoption. That is the biggest problem, the legal crap surrounding adoption. If two parties make an agreement in adoption, then there should be some kind of clear cut way that those two parties can communicate in order to help that agreement be upheld. Look, adoption is all a matter of the heart and the heart does what ever the hell it wants to do. Things change, people change, and opinions change, but the bottom line is adoption has to be committed to for the children who are involved. The consequences will affect them the most. To hell with pride and all of that, if boundaries need to be revisited to help keep everyone involved content, then so be it. An adoption plan made when a child is young may need to be revisited in order to accommodate the changing needs of all members of the triad.I say this because in both of my adoptions there was never a mention of lawyers and all that stuff after the relinquishment. If there needed to be less contact, or sometimes more contact, then we communicated that to each other and NOT a counselor, lawyer, or anyone else. We were adults about it and worked it all out amongst ourselves. There were no third parties and as far as I am concerned, no feelings hurt along the way. I think that in today’s day and age there are just TOO many people involved in something that is so personal, so intimate. If the people involved can communicate with each other then the better it is for the child.

So, for a simple answer to “What would the ideal open adoption agreement laws be?” First and foremost, give all the information possible to mothers who are considering adoption for their child. Knowledge is power, and in that power one can make a sound decision knowing they are their best advocate. I say get the requests of all parties and agree to what everyone wants the boundaries to be. Then, by law, I believe those agreements should be looked at every 5 years for adjustments that may need to be made. I believe that the States should allow all parties access to Original Birth Certificates for so many reasons and #1 being it is a Constitutional Right that every American has. If someone changes their minds about those agreements, then somewhere down the road someone stopped talking to someone. COMMUNICATION is of the utmost importance in adoption and it is not something that should be feared.  


Robyn: (I always like to ask a fun question) A question that has nothing to do with adoption, but I add it because Breaking Dawn comes out on November 18th, and I’m a bit of a fan of the Twilight saga: Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Who-the-Heck-are-Edward-and-Jacob?
Kelsey: I am going to break your heart here, but I fall into the category of Who-the-Heck-are-Edward-and-Jacob? I know who they are, I know about the story because many people I know are fans. And I, too, am a fan of the Vampire sorts. I read many vampire books with Anne Rice being the Queen. But my thought is that I am so far behind now I might as well wait until my kids are interested in the books, read them, and want to watch the movies. That is when I will absolutely sit down and watch all of them so I can discover it with them. Until then, I will have to wonder what the fascination is with the franchise and most of all … this Edward and Jacob you speak of.

The Best for You

I want to thank Kelsey for taking the time to answer all of my questions. I highly recommend her blog. The link is over in my blog roll on the right. It’s also right here.

Please take a moment to see the other Adoption Bloggers Interview Project entries at Production, Not Reproduction.

And So It Begins…

15 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment

by chittisterchildren in everyday Tags: ,

Cassie is three weeks old today!

People keep asking me what it’s like to have two kids. I’ve really had two kids for just a few days now. We came home Wednesday night. My mother-in-law was here until Saturday morning. We’ve only had two days of school routine thus far.

So far, Jackson has been great with his baby sister. He let us all take naps on Saturday. He’s been good about playing by himself… but not today. You see, I had intended to go upstairs for about 20-30 minutes to get Cassie to go to sleep. I ended up falling asleep with her next to me, and Jackson came into Daddy forlornly saying that no one would play with him. I napped for about two hours. I felt very guilty about it, and from now on, will tell the other family members my plans for sleep or not sleep.

Some things Jackson’s been saying:

  • I love having a baby sister!
  • I didn’t know she would like me so much!
  • That’s what big brudders are for.

He remembers her binky when I don’t. He loves to kiss her. He’s not so bad at holding her. He’s tried to feed her, but he’s not quite there yet. We took Cassie for her first walk in her stroller yesterday, and he pushed the stroller to the end of the block.

Cassie attended her first birthday party this weekend – the fourth birthday party of Jackson’s oldest friend’s sister (and one of my favorite little girls). She wore the birthday girl’s hand-me-down onesie to the party.

I haven’t been getting as much work done as I did before we had two kids. Honestly, not much is getting done at all, other than dishes and laundry. This is one of those times that I wish I lived in France, with one year of paid maternity leave and government-sponsored help.

Cassie can hold in her binky. She’s held her bottle twice now. Both are things that Jackson couldn’t do at this point. (In fact, he never learned to hold his own bottle, which was just fine with me.) On the other hand, by now, Jackson had figured out how to roll onto his side (he had serious acid reflux, so side sleeping was better for him, which he figured out on his own) and he could hold his head up (Cassie’s trying, and getting there sometimes). Cassie hates being put down for any reason when she’s awake. Jackson was OK if he was sitting up. Cassie doesn’t like sleeping in her crib. Jackson never had any problems with it. Jackson hated being in the sling. It’s Cassie’s favorite conveyance. I seem to remember Jackson being more animated at this stage, but then, I don’t remember a lot from Jackson’s first three or four months of life. Sleep dep will do that to you.

I find comparisons interesting, and I don’t read too much into them.

I thought I’d add some pictures for those of you who like that sort of thing.

(There will be some general adoption-related posts in the near future, for those who aren’t interested in my family life.)

We’re Home!

11 Nov 2011 6 Comments

by chittisterchildren in Cassandra, Jackson Tags: , , , ,

We took the 1:40 pm Southwest flight out of New Orleans on Wednesday. (Note: The New Orleans airport has disastrous food.) Cassie weathered her first flight pretty well. She was awake for about the first half, then slept in the sling on me for the rest. We had a stop in Phoenix (and all I could think about was this was the airport where Bella ditches the Cullens in Twilight). I changed Cassie in the airplane bathroom – very difficult – and then ran off and got some food from the Starbucks/Pizza Hut. Cassie slept for the entire second flight, waking up just before landing.

When we got to the airport,Grandma Sandy was waiting for us at baggage claim. I changed Cassie’s diaper again, and off we went. It would have been my preference to wait out the traffic by grabbing a bite to eat near the airport, but there isn’t any food near the airport, so we sat in traffic. Along the way, Grandma Sandy had to feed Cassie while she was in her car seat.

We did end up stopping for food in Walnut Creek because of traffic and a dirty diaper. Grandma Sandy got to hold Cassie for awhile then.

Grandma Sandy and Cassie

Grandma Sandy and Cassie

Jackson was staying at home with our neighbor, Jeanine. We finally got home around 9 pm. Jackson was looking out the window. I saw him. It was awesome! I had missed him so very much! He ran and jumped on me as soon as I came in the door. I swear he grew while we were gone. His pjs didn’t go to his ankles anymore.

It took awhile for Max, Grandma Sandy, and Cassie to get to the house. On the way in, Grandma Sandy dropped the binky. Jackson declared, “I’ll get the binky. That’s what big brothers are for!”

We set him up on the recliner and handed Cassie over. Happiness ensued.

First Look: Brother and Sister

First Look: Brother and Sister

Brother and Sister Smiling at One Another

Brother and Sister Smiling at One Another

Jackson and Cassandra

Jackson and Cassandra

Two of the cats have never seen a baby before. Firefly decided to investigate.

Pillow Pets, Cassie, Jackson, and Firefly

Pillow Pets, Cassie, Jackson, and Firefly

Cassie brought Jackson a big brother present – a baby dolphin pillow pet to go with the pillow pet he saved up his allowance to buy. I read Jackson and Cassie a story, and she fell asleep on his bed. This was Cassie’s first story – a book about the Clone Wars.

Daddy tucked Jackson in. Cassie didn’t much like sleeping in her crib. We finally got her to stay in there if we left the light on. Her schedule yesterday and today have been all messed up, but we’ll work on getting it right again.

Jackson has been loving his baby sister. He is a little depressed that he’s not getting as much attention. I’m sure we’ll correct for that. He helped me give Cassie her first bath. He fed her. And he was surprisingly good at both.

We’re Going Home!

09 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment

by chittisterchildren in adoption Tags: ,

I finally called the Louisiana ICPC office today. The ladies there were very nice. They informed me that they had sent the paperwork, overnight, to California on Friday. I called my social worker, who did give me the California ICPC contact info, but also told me that the woman who does the ICPC doesn’t like adoptive parents calling her. Instead, he told me that I should get my lawyer to call her.

So, I called the lawyer and left a message with his assistant. When he didn’t call me back after more than an hour, I called the California ICPC office and left a message. Within the hour, the lawyer called back. He told me:

  • California ICPC was upset that he sent a preliminary copy of the ICPC paperwork to them (our social worker said that if they had the prelim, then they could approve same day as Louisiana),
  • There was one form that had to be redone, so they redid it and faxed it back.
  • He would not call California ICPC because he would only talk to his own people, California ICPC wouldn’t appreciate him calling them.

I decided to wait a little while and then call my social worker back.

About 20 minutes after I talked to the lawyer, he called again and told us we could go home.

I yelled “Woo hoo!” and woke Cassie.

We couldn’t make it out on the last flight of the night, so we’re leaving in the afternoon. Cassie’s first plane ride!

As happy as I am to be leaving, packing up makes me a little bit sad. It reminds me of all of the places I’ve left before. I should really blog about that.

California here we come!

When Money Reared Its Ugly Head

07 Nov 2011 1 Comment

by chittisterchildren in adoption Tags: ,

I’ve written before about birthmother expenses. I’m not against them, as long as they are pregnancy-related. Jackson’s birthmother didn’t ask for anything initially. Then, she had an “emergency” C-section, and couldn’t do anything for six weeks. We paid two months’ rent. We were glad to do so – clearly, she couldn’t go to work because of the delivery.

Laine didn’t ask for anything. However, the social worker noted that she needed maternity clothes, so asked the lawyer to ask us for some money. OK. We gave the lawyer a certain amount for his fees and any expenses Laine should incur. OK.

In between Cassie’s birth and Laine signing the TPR, we talked with the attorney. When we got the information for Laine’s situation from AdoptLink, there was an estimate for birthmother expenses, broken down by what the expenses were for. Apparently, the lawyer decided that we were going to give that money to Laine. OK.

Then the lawyer asked if we wanted to throw in an extra $X to make the number a round one. Not OK.

Missouri, where Jackson was born, is pretty strict about birthmother expenses. The idea of randomly giving a birthmother money, well, it offended me. There’s a fine line between reimbursements for valid expenses and reimbursing someone for a baby. I felt that this crossed it.

I want to make it entirely clear that Laine never asked for anything. The lawyer informed us that Louisiana allows a certain amount of money for birthmother expenses, and that they don’t ask for receipts. So, if we wanted to be “generous,” we could give Laine this amount of money. I told the lawyer that I was uncomfortable with this. In addition to the implications, we’re not made of money. This staying in a hotel for 2+ weeks is very expensive.

To make a long story short, the lawyer started guilting me about this. He asked what would happen if Laine’s lawyer told her she could get $X+2000 and she decided that’s what she wanted. I told him we didn’t have that kind of money. He said he didn’t think she would do this, but she could hold up the whole thing over the extra money. When he realized that tactic wasn’t going to work, he backpedaled.

I’m really not sure what the lawyer was trying to do. Laine certainly isn’t the type to ask for money – I knew that from our relationship. Of course, the lawyer still spooked me.

Another reason to have federal adoption laws.

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